You know how in your youth you resent your parents so, and in later years you become them.

Tuesday, January 02, 2001

You know how in your youth you resent your parents so, and in later years you become them.

I think the resentment is a standard-bearer for teen-agers, your own teen-agers.

I don’t remember making any kind of pact with other teen-agers to get our parents – it just sort of happens. In terms of mental ability you know most certainly that your parents are impaired.

As parents you wonder what happened to that son or daughter who just a year ago respected me and wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with me in public. We even talked to one another, took walks, went out to the mall and they were even willing to travel "with the family" together to the Bohemian Hall, the Mall of America or even the Dells.

So what happens to parents that they go from being "adored" to being "the object of criticism?"

Perhaps it has to do with a comment Mark Twain once said: "I can’t believe how much my parents learned from the time I was 14 until I was 21."

So, as parents of teen-agers/adolescents we, as parents, have our work cut out – this is our time for learning.

We all remember Eddie Haskell of "Leave it to Beaver" fame – one of my all-time favorite characters. He made a point of making the Beav’s life hell and once lined up Wally, Beav’s brother, with a girl who smoked.

Then when Mrs. Cleaver came around, Haskell when sing praises of "Theodore," the Beaver’s real name on the show.

We all had a Haskell or two in our friendship bank.

And, of course, as teen-agers how willing we were to talk to our friends’ parents – chat away all night long about everything – yack, yack, yack, followed by stone silence in our own house, unless a personal friend stopped by and your friend would yack, yack, yack with your parent or parent or your mom’s or dad’s new significant other, which wasn’t as common in my day. Nowadays, there is a far better chance of running into a new significant other.

In that regard, has parenting changed for the better or worse? Who’s to say.

Single-parent families are as much families, too – in some ways, better then – especially in terms of abuse.

I was reminded by one of our employees, who works with a group of kids of divorced families, that Super Bowl Sunday is the most abusive day of the year.

I’ve heard that one of kids’ biggest wonders today is: "Will my parents stay together?"

In a former life, I worked with families, many of them single-parent families. Here I grew to appreciate the hard work of single-parent families where single parents become both the mother and the father and the decision-making process is worked out as a team.

I resent the subtle "disrespect" single parents often feel in the community – a place where the welcome wagon fails to stop

Children of single-parent families often are excluded from participating in extracurricular activities – no room in the budget.

Then there are "stepfamilies" where the complex task of rearranging two families never seems to end.

Then there are the kids who leave and they come from all homes, just like abuse does.

It is good to see that teen pregnancies are down.

It was not so many years ago that I was told that 85 percent of "teen fathers" leave.

I’m sure that number is down, but not far enough.

Someone once suggested a poster on public transportation depicting a young man up to his knees in empty beer cans trying to put on a condom.

Bob Dylan’s song, "The Times They Are A-Changing," will always hold true I guess and parents need to be reminded of all they must learn when their kids are between the ages of 14 and 21 as Mark Twain tells us. And even then there is no guarantee.

Call Clinton

There is still time to call Bill Clinton before he leaves office at (202) 463-7830 and urge him to pardon Leonard Peltier from Fort Leavenworth, where he is currently jailed for the death of two FBI agents, in spite of a lack of conclusive evidence.

Peltier’s book, "Prison Writings: My Life is My Sun Dance," is available in bookstores and helps one to see "another side."

I’ve read where the FBI argues that pardoning Peltier, even though there is not conclusive evidence of his guilt, would weaken the role of law enforcement system but isn’t life imprisonment without conclusive evidence as bad or worse.

The Dalai Lama, who will be coming to the Twin Cities to speak in May, and Nelson Mandela, who recently spoke in the Cities, are both asking for his clemency.

You can, too.

A pardon with George Dubya in office won’t happen no matter how accommodating he says he’s going to be.

And, hello, clothes hangers.

Bob Vilt’s column appears Tuesdays