Echoes from the Loafers’ Club meeting:

“What are you doing here so early?”

“I’m celebrating.”

“Celebrating what?”

“That I’m here early.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: When you join an organization by donating at the “friend” level, you gain a friend. You will get more mail from that organization than any other friend you have.

Things I have learned

1. A vegetarian shouldn’t eat Twinkies. They contain beef fat.

2. Tattoos should be placed higher than desired in order to compensate for sagging over time.

3. There is no rule of thumbs for thumbs.

Those thrilling days of yesteryear

The woman told me that when she was first married, she lived in a tricked-out trailer in a shabby mobile home park. She told me that she hung her laundry outside on the clothesline even during the winter, as she had no dryer. She added that the clothes would freeze on the line and iron themselves.

A fair time

I eat a corndog each year at a county fair. I eat only one and I look forward to its ingestion. I have more than one blueberry malt/shake. They delight me. I avoid things like deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Krispy Kreme hamburgers — a doughnut/hamburger cross. I walk the commercial buildings filled with a phalanx of vendors and politicians. Some are enthusiastic, some unhappy to be there, and others appear to be at the fair for only one reason—to pursue gastronomic excesses. As I walk by the vendors, I refuse their kind offers to sign up for drawings or to accept giveaways. That said, I do grab one advertising giveaway–notepads. I take them, offer a “much obliged”, and use them. I write things down. I always have. It gives my memory a hand.

In cahoots

She told me that her grandfather requires a passenger when he drives. He needs someone to watch for cops while he drives below the minimum speed.

Wimpy

I grew up during the time of three-legged dogs. Many farms had one on the payroll. Good cattle dogs were good cattle dogs whether they had three or four legs. We had a three-legged dog. His name was Wimpy; named after a hamburger-loving glutton in the Popeye comic strip. Our dog enjoyed a hamburger. He liked everything except coffee. He was wise and followed the example of the camel that stuck its nose under the tent. Wimpy placed his muzzle on my parents’ bed. After a day or two, he’d positioned his neck upon the bed. Soon, Wimpy had insinuated himself onto the bed and slept with my parents. From that point, as any good dog does, he inflated himself to cover most of the bed.

From the family files

My brother Donald told me that when he took a course from the same teacher as our sister Georgianna had taken three years earlier, he decided that it would be wise to copy a paper she had written for the same assignment. He did so for expedience. He had other things to do. He copied it word-for-word, hoping the teacher’s memory of the paper had faded. Donald got a C on the paper. Georgianna had gotten an A.

A chance conversation

The man from Vermont told me that he was 13 years old when his only sibling was born. He thinks that his parents wanted free babysitting for their second child. He related that the only thing he learned about babysitting was that when his little brother looked like he was attempting to solve a difficult math problem, his diaper would need changing.

Nature notes

“How can I get bats out of my house?” If there are many entry points, seal up the less frequently used holes with hardware cloth, caulk, weather stripping, or duct tape. Put an exclusion device on the last exit. A simple method is to tack a pillowcase, with the bottom cut out, around the hole. The bats crawl through the pillowcase to leave but are unable to crawl back in. Another method is to put hardware cloth over the hole. Use duct tape on three corners to fasten the screen in place, leaving one lower corner tape-free to allow the bats an exit. After a week, remove the exclusion device and seal the hole.

Meeting adjourned

Be generous with kind words.