Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

“I’m lost. Do you know how to get to town?”

“Nope.”

“Do you know which direction town is?”

“Nope.”

“You don’t know much, do you?”

“I know I’m not lost.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors —both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: The average family isn’t.

Weather rapport

I see it each year. On a frigid winter day, I encounter a man wearing shorts, flip-flops and a parka. I blame climate change.

I’ve learned

1. If the sign says, “Watch your step,” I will hit my head.

2. Not to let people drive me crazy when I know it’s within walking distance.

3. No matter how old a mother is, she watches her children for signs of improvement.

I gave him half the road—both sides

I was headed to a job, driving down a rural road early in the morning. The snowfall had been heavy and I was on the road before the snowplow. I was not the first one traveling the road. There were two vehicles ahead of me. They were following the tire tracks of one who had gone before them. Things were going well until we encountered a vehicle coming from the opposite direction. There weren’t enough tracks to go around. Each driver had to move right half the width of his or her automobile in order to give the oncoming vehicle enough room. It was the Christmas season and we were in the spirit of giving.

Kettle conversation

I was ringing the bells for the Salvation Army. A dental hygienist, who cleans my teeth after I’ve eaten cheese puffs, Oreo cookies, onions, and garlic, tossed some money into the kettle.

“Mange takk,” I said. “Merry Christmas.”

“Don’t forget to floss,” she replied.

Mange takk

“Many thanks” in Norwegian.

A tribal joy

My wife was being a grandma, making cookies with the younguns. Crosby, the youngest of the pack, was seated in a high chair and enjoying a Popsicle. He offered his grandmother a lick and she quickly took a couple. It was then that Crosby’s older sister, Hadley, said, “He let Charlie have a lick, too.”

Charlie is the dog.

TV or not TV

My father was not enamored with TV. He agreed with the man who described it as a “toaster with pictures.” He liked Hee Haw, Lawrence Welk and pro wrestling. An odd trifecta, but those were his shows. One year, we had a TV with a working picture but no sound sitting atop a TV with functioning sound but no picture. Both TV sets needed to be switched on and tuned to the same station in order for my father to enjoy the sights and sounds of champagne music.

Nature notes

Most songbirds possess 3,000 to 5,000 feathers. A tundra swan has about 25,000 feathers, an eagle over 7,000 and a hummingbird may have less than 1,000. Some birds grow more feathers to combat the winter cold. A DNR publication said that a house sparrow has about 3,100 feathers in June and 3,500 in January. I discovered during a pillow fight that a torn pillow contained an eagle’s worth of feathers.

Meeting adjourned

Mother Teresa said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”