Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

“You’re late.”

“The goat ate my alarm clock.”

“You don’t have a goat.”

“I know. I had to borrow the neighbor’s goat.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors–both named Bruce–who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if you expect to save at all, do it when your income is small.

Things I’ve learned

1. To keep several get well cards on my desk. If unexpected guests arrive, they’ll think I’ve been sick and unable to clean.

2. Words that soak in are whispered, not yelled.

3. Children of my generation had survival instincts that allowed them to find the one spot in each moving car that fathers couldn’t reach.

Café chronicles

The fellow told me that he puts sugar in his coffee but he doesn’t stir the mixture. He likes the sweetness at the end. He said that sugary concoction helped him run the marathon that he started.

“Started?” I wondered aloud.

“I ran for a couple of miles and I found myself securely in last place,” he said. “The guy just ahead of me was taunting me. Saying things like, ‘How does it feel to be last?’ I let him know. I dropped out.”

Thrilling days of yesteryear

It was a cold, winter day. I was doing some work outdoors for my mother.

When I came inside, my mother rose from her chair and said, “Sit down here, I warmed your chair for you.”

Bath

I live near the city of Bath. You won’t find it on a map unless you have an exceptional and ancient map. Bath is smaller than it has ever been. The population is zero. The sign reads, “Welcome to Bath. Beware of dog.” Bath is a drive-by community that cannot claim even two streets (Main Street and Non-Main Street). The only part of the once thriving city that grows is the cemetery. In Bath, there are more skeletons below ground than in the closet. A reminder, persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. Bath rules.

At Lake Inferior

The man had been fishing all day. He enjoyed his time along the lake. He had some good luck but there was a man staring at him. That took his mind off his fishing and was beginning to irk him.

“Hey, pal! You’ve been standing there watching me fish for over three hours! Why don’t you get a rod and reel, buy yourself a license, and do some fishing yourself?”

“No, thanks. I don’t have the patience for it.”

The bumper sticker

“Stop honking. I’m on the phone.”