Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

“I couldn’t sleep last night. My stomach bothered me.”

“Did you take anything for it?”

“Sure, the firehouse chili and the large pizza right before going to bed.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if something can be misunderstood, it will be.

Things I’ve learned

1.”You’re doing it wrong” are the hardest words not to say.

2. A slissue is a sleeve on which a child wipes his or her nose.

3. No matter what Shirley Temple said, a lollipop doesn’t make a good ship.

Dog days

An indigo bunting sang to announce the new day. The tiny bird is a robust singer even on the hottest of days. The Dog Days are the 40 days beginning July 3 and ending August 11, coinciding with the rising of the Dog Star, Sirius. It is called the Dog Star because it is the brightest star in the constellation Canis Major. Sirius is so bright that the ancients believed that the light from the star was responsible for the heightened summer heat. The Dog Days are reminders to put the snow shovels away. The 4th of July was originally the beginning of July. The proclamation was “From this day forth it will be July.”

Fair days

I work at a number of fairs each year. I enjoy the opportunity. In a landscape dotted with deep-fried foodstuffs on-a-stick, I would love to see a pudding vendor. Simple things like tapioca or vanilla pudding would upgrade a fair day.

No mow

It was time to mow the lawn—again. I had just mowed it. I don’t know how long my lawn can go between manicures but I would love to find out. The average American yard contains 8.5 million individual blades of grass. I hear rumors that there is a variety of lawn grass that never needs mowing. That would leave my lawnmower unemployed, but it would find work. Like the duck said, “If it doesn’t rain, I’ll have to walk.” I could drive the mower to work. Grass that never needs mowing! That’s silly. Why would anyone want something like that? And where could I get some?

A long haul

A friend retired recently. He had worked for the same company for 49 years. I asked if he had enjoyed his job. I thought he must have to have worked there that long.

He told me that he had liked his job.

My next question was, “Then why didn’t you hang in there until you had 50 years?”

He replied, “I didn’t like the job that much.”

The passion pit

In my time as a boy, there was a drive-in movie theater not far from our farm. It was called the “passion pit.” Some folks claimed that nothing on the screen ever matched the goings-on in the parked cars. I don’t know if that was true, but I do know that the movie stopped working one night and it was 40 minutes before anyone complained.

The café chronicles

I met with a man who lived outside of town. His pickup carried a bumper sticker reading, “Cover me. I’m switching lanes.” There weren’t many lanes to switch from or to where we met in front of the café. We went into the eatery, sat down, and ordered pie. He was an easy friend. We ate while talking about what we weren’t eating. He told me that he was a board member of a local organization and that all of those on the board were farmers. He said it was a group with more than a crumb of common sense. When it was time to meet to transact official business during a busy spring, they met when it rained.

Meeting adjourned

Saint Francis of Assisi said, “Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.”