Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

“What did your brother say when you told him that you wrecked his car?”

“Should I leave out the profanity?”

“Yes, please.”

“Then he didn’t say anything.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I recalled the words of Maria Amparo Ruiz de Burton, “Let us cry for the spilt milk, by all means, if by doing so we learn how to avoid spilling any more. Let us cry for the spilt milk, and remember how, and where, and why, we spilt it. Much wisdom is learnt through tears, but none by forgetting our lessons.”

I’ve learned

1. That six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

2. That someone who doesn’t believe in horses is a neightheist.

3. Operators are sitting by.

The news from Hartland

Loafer’s Shoe Store sells its insoles to the devil.

Instant Karma Cafe serves the fast food you deserve.

Custer’s Last Tan opens for business in Two Bits.

Moses Olson leads his family to the dessert.

City erects “One way or another” road signs.

The long goodbye

I attended Katherine Knudson’s wedding reception. Kat married a nice fellow named Noah. It was his reception, too, but probably more hers than his. It was a fine jollification. We should have more like it. There was no deafening music played, which made it possible to visit with friends and relatives. When the time to leave came, folks staggered about like goodbye zombies. Ona Meyer of Hartland, who left a half-dozen times, said that Minnesota goodbyes take forever. Much of my family lives in Iowa. The goodbyes are stretched there, too. We are people who are good at nearly making it out the door. W. Clement Stone said, “Big doors swing on little hinges.” They sometimes refuse to swing at all due to small words or recollections. The Beatles sang, “You say goodbye, and I say hello.” They were right. We tend to stand near the door, not wanting to leave, but knowing we must. Door goodbyes do go on.

Happy New Year

Ric McArthur of Morpeth, Ontario writes, “In our throw away, use it once society we discard years for no apparent reason. Good thing they don’t go to the landfill.”

The twelve months by George Ellis

“Snowy, flowy, blowy, showery, flowery, bowery, hoppy, croppy, droppy, weezy, sneezy, freezy.”

Did you know?

This from The Wall Street Journal, “In June, the Mayo Clinic published a comprehensive study of every known hand-washing study done since 1970. The authors concluded that drying skin is essential to staving off bacteria and that paper towels are superior to driers: They’re more efficient, they don’t spatter germs, they won’t dry out hands, and most people prefer them.”

A study in BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal) that was based on the mortality records of 9,889 athletes who competed in the Olympics between 1896 and 1936 showed that engaging in cycling and rowing (high cardiovascular intensity) had no added survival benefit compared with playing golf or cricket (low cardiovascular intensity).

The small pink bump on the inside corner of the eye is called the caruncula. It contains sweat and oil glands that produce rheum, also known as eye crispies, eye snot, or tear rocks.

The web between the thumb and forefinger is called the purlicue. Some claim that pinching it makes a headache go away.

No catnap

I hadn’t been home long. I got to bed late and my body was still operating on a time zone three hours away. I woke because I had that feeling that someone was looking at me. I opened one eye to see a cat staring at me. It could have been staring because it wanted another scratch-off ticket, but I think it was concerned for my well-being. It stared at me because that’s how cats perform CPR. I put food in the cats’ inbox — their food dish. I fill the inbox. The cats fill their outbox (litter box).

Nature notes

“Do birds’ feet freeze?” Most birds don’t suffer frostbite. There is little fluid in the cells of their feet and their circulation is fast enough that blood doesn’t remain in the feet long enough to freeze. In some species, the blood vessels going to and from the feet are close together, which warms the blood. A bird’s feet are little more than bone, sinew and scale, but sometimes a bird’s toes will freeze. I’ve seen it in mourning doves.

Meeting adjourned

Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Make being kind a New Year’s resolution.