Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

Your neighbor is out mowing the lawn.

I saw that.

Doesn’t that make you want get outside?

No, I don’t enjoy watching him mow the lawn that much.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: the divorce rate among socks is very high.

I’ve learned

The packaging is often more durable than the product.

There are two kinds of people — the humble and those who will be humbled.

Any mosquito repellent will work if you run fast enough while wearing it.

Phone fun

The Batt Cave gets a lot of phone books. I needed phone books more before I started keeping my brain on an iPhone. We were lucky to get one phone book in those days of yore. It was much larger than the flock we get today.

Our phone rang. We still have a landline, but it’s not a rotary-dial phone. We’ve moved on from that. Texting was too difficult on that phone.

Anyway, our phone rang. My wife went to answer it.

I told her, “If that is that Jennifer Aniston woman again, tell her that I’m not home.”

Apparently, it wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.

We say things out of habit

“Would you like a little more water?” asked the server.

“No, thank you,” I replied, ready to pay my check.

The server flashed a practiced smile and said, “No problem.”

I’m always glad to hear that I’m not being a problem by not wanting anything.

Calling 911 in Hartland

There was a phone booth in Hartland for many years. It wasn’t much, but it was a place we could call home.

There is a seedy underbelly of Hartland. That’s where this call originated.

“What’s your emergency?” asked the 911 operator.

“I’m out of gravy,” said the caller.

“I don’t think you know how 911 works.”

“I don’t think you know how mashed potatoes work.”

“I’m sending a police officer to your address.”

“Make sure he brings some gravy.”

Looking at lightning bugs

I knew I was where I should be as I watched the fireflies. The flying flashlights made me feel like a kid in a candy store.

I recalled a day when my wife and I were on a snazzy beach on the Mediterranean Sea. Youngsters were building sand castles. Maturity called. I let it go to voicemail.

I built a sand snowman.

Somehow, we’ve managed to live happily even after.

Customer comments

Ric McArthur of Morpeth, Ontario, saw this sign in a store in Texas, “We will not interrupt your cellphone conversation. We will be happy to help you when you are finished.” And this sign on Amherst Island in Lake Ontario, “Slow down. Free range children at play.”

Larry Buhr of Faribault said that you know that your house needs work when the squirrels are looking out of it.

When I asked LaVonne Kalke of New Richland how she was doing, she told me that she was just trying to stay normal.

Meeting adjourned

There is always room for one more kindness.