Today I’m sharing with you an ad from 1920. It shows a forlorn older woman (okay, call it what it is — she’s an old maid) all alone, with lace hanky in hand, looking wistfully at a photo album. The scene reeks of sadness, loneliness and despair. What could have caused her such unhappiness?  (And could the word “reeks” be a clue?) 

The ad begins — (and please note the Italicized comments are mine) …

Oh, memories that bless and burn …

Sometimes when the lights are low, they come back to comfort and at the same time sadden her. Ah, those memories of long ago when she was a slip of a girl in love with a dark-eyed Nashville boy.  They were the happiest moments of her life — those days of courtship.

Though she never married, no one could take from her the knowledge that she had been loved passionately and devotedly (hold on there, Mabel, this is the Austin Daily Herald, remember?). Those frayed and yellowed letters of his still tell her so.  How they looked forward to their future together. And then, like a stab, came their parting … the broken engagement … the sorrow and shock of it.

She could find no explanation for it then, and even now, in the soft twilight of life when she can think calmly, it is still a mystery to her.

Are you sure about yourself?

How often does some trivial gesture, habit or fault alter the course of human affairs (apparently not all that trivial for this gal). On every side you hear of engagements broken for trifling causes.  Or of marriages that ride into the divorce court on the strange complaint of “incompatibility.”

If you have ever come face-to-face with a real case of — (and here it comes, Herald readers!) — halitosis or unpleasant breath, you can understand how it might well be an obstacle to pleasant business, professional and social relations.

(Could it be that some face-to-face encounters are simply way too close?)

The insidious thing about halitosis is that you never know when you have it. (And don’t you just hate it when that happens?) It does not announce itself to the victim. (What? You mean to tell me she never learned that old trick of blowing into her cupped hands?) Important to remember also, is the fact that few people escape it entirely. That is because everyday in any normal mouth, conditions capable of causing halitosis are likely to arise. (Does sucking on a raw garlic clove count?)

Common causes of halitosis are: (here it comes) stomach derangements due to excesses of eating or drinking, fermenting food particles in the mouth, defective or decaying teeth, pyorrhea, catarrh, and infections of the nose, mouth, or throat. (Is that all?)

Listerine ends halitosis.

The pleasant way to put your breath beyond suspicion is to rinse the mouth with full strength Listerine, the safe antiseptic. Every morning! Every night! And between times before you’re meeting others! (This would definitely include a dreamy dark-eyed boy from Nashville!)

Being antiseptic, Listerine checks food fermentation. Being also a remarkable germicide, it attacks infection from which odors spring. (Hmmm, I had no idea odors spring …) And finally, being a deodorant, it destroys the odors themselves, leaving both the mouth and breath fresh, sweet and clean.  (Well, thank goodness for fresh, sweet and clean!)

Furthermore, it is safe to use Listerine in any body cavity (run that by me again!). Yes, full strength Listerine kills even the resistant Staphylococcus Aureus (more commonly known as pus). It, as well, destroys Bacteria Typhosus, which you will know as typhoid. (Yiiiikes!) Yes, folks, these germs die in counts ranging up to 200,000 in 15 seconds. (Not sure, but isn’t that faster than the speed of bad breath?) This is the fastest time that science has ever accurately recorded. (Does this mean we’re supposed to count the bacteria in our own halitosis? And just who, I ask, does that? Oh, yeah, that’s right! That dreamy dark-eyed boy from Nashville does.)”

 

So, there you have it, Herald readers. No longer must you wonder in the soft twilight of your life just why you’re an old maid or a curmudgeonly bachelor. It’s not that single eye in the middle of your forehead. Au contraire. Don’t you get it? It’s your breath. Start counting.

Keener grew up in Austin, moved away for 58 years but later returned to town. Keener published her memoir, “Potato In A Rice Bowl,” in 2010 to outline her experiences living in Japan in the 1960s while her husband was in the military. Peggy Keener invites readers to share their memories with her by emailing pggyknr@yahoo.com. Memories shared with Keener may be shared or referenced in subsequent editions of “Full Circle.”