Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

A police officer pulled me over for speeding last night. I told him that I’d never gotten a ticket in my life.

What did he say?

He said, “Congratulations, you have now.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: As I watched a driver drinking from a soft drink cup large enough to be a bucket, I realized that the car playing the worst music will always have the loudest speakers. If older people are the only ones using phonebooks, why do they make the print so small?

The cafe chronicles

His breath smelled of Copenhagen and coffee. He claimed that his wild rice soup had gone bananas. “She comes and stays in every month with an R in it. She’s either a mother-in-law or an oyster,” he growled.

He wasn’t the family optimist. It was up to his wife to stitch silver linings into dark clouds.

Popcorn and cellphones

My granddaughter Everly told me that she didn’t like seafood. She likes land food, like popcorn.

My wife and I went to the movies. I held her hand the entire time we were in the theater. That kept her from eating my popcorn.

My wife and I attended friends’ wedding reception. It was held two days before the wedding. There was good food, fine company and swell fireworks. The pyrotechnics were so impressive that many people attempted to preserve the moment by taking photos with their cellphones.

Gunnar Berg of Albert Lea told me that he has a different cellphone. He added that he gets his wife’s hand-me-down phones. His previous phone had fallen into lakes and other containers of liquids. It still worked unless Gunnar dialed a phone number with a five in it.

I saw a bumper sticker in Owatonna reading, “CFICARE”

I attended Kernel Knudson’s funeral. I’d known him all my life. Kernel was a remarkable man. After his father died and his mother’s health made it impossible for her to care for her eight children, Kernel took over. He kept the family together and made sure his seven siblings graduated from high school. His sister, Janet McDermott, told me that Kernel was much more than a brother. He was her father, grandfather and uncle. Quite an accomplishment at an age when just being a brother is a sufficient challenge. When I was a boy, Kernel was the township clerk who paid me for trapping pocket gophers. Later, I dealt with Kernel when he was on our county’s draft board. But mostly I knew him as a friend. Kernel could never have had a vehicle carrying a CFICARE license plate. Kernel cared.

Pondering a press pass

I was driving down the potholes when a highway suddenly appeared. I used it to go here and there. I ran into a friend at events in Hopkins, Eden Prairie and Maple Grove. They were sites of girls basketball tournaments. The parking lots held cars sporting bumper stickers reading, “You can’t scare me. I have daughters.” My friend teased me that I got into all of the games free with a press pass. I’ve written forever and four days, but I’ve never had a press pass. My own fault, I suppose. I’ve never requested one.

He asked me where I’d want to go if I had a press pass. World Series? Been there. Super Bowl? No way. NBA finals. No. March Madness. Nope. Wimbledon? Nay. Hartland’s Annual Bocce Ball and Bratwurst Juggling Championship. Of course, but they don’t charge. I’d use my press pass for sporting events involving a grandchild.

There were no quiet corners those places in Hopkins, Eden Prairie or Maple Grove, but I found the quietest available to do a radio show. Right before I went on the air, a tournament official gave me a free pass. Sort of. I’d already paid.

This week’s travelogue

Reiman Gardens is on the Iowa State University campus in Ames. Situated on 17 acres, the year-round attraction features both indoor and outdoor gardens. As I enjoyed the many species of live butterflies flitting by me in the 2,500-square-foot Butterfly Wing, I noticed a monarch butterfly outside. I felt like the middle of a butterfly sandwich.

Nature notes

“Is there a way to tell the sexes of owls?” Males and females look alike. If you see two owls together, the female is larger than the male.

Meeting adjourned

Benefit all humankind by being the kind of person who is kind.