QUESTION: What’s the most effective way to use consequences with children?

ANSWER: Most parents have threatened consequences that they will never carry out and, of course, our credibility with our children is undermined. I really appreciate thinking about consequences like a physician thinks about medication. Medications are given in “dosages” and the appropriate question to ask with medications is “What is the smallest amount of medication a child can take and still receive the most benefits?”

Parent Educator Kevin A. Thompson recommends a great strategy for giving consequences: parents need to consider the minimum effective dosage when it comes to discipline. Instead of exaggerating negative consequences, parents need to minimize consequences to the smallest amount necessary. Thompson asks: Instead of threatening to take away electronics for the whole weekend, why not actually take them away for the next hour? Instead of saying your daughter can’t go to her girlfriend’s party, make the first consequence requiring her to be 30 minutes late. Instead of claiming that you are not going on the next family weekend outing, tell your children that their negative behavior means you are not going to make the traditional ice cream stop on the way to your destination.

There are three advantages to giving consequences in the smallest dosage possible. First, research shows that consequences do not have to be major or traumatic, they just need to occur. Second, small dosage consequences allow for “wiggle room.” One of the biggest problems with exaggerating consequences is that a parent has nothing left to do if a child continues to disobey. Third, it makes it easier to stay true to our word; when we threaten consequences that feel too harsh or inconvenient, we are likely to not follow through. A significant amount of disobedience is the result of parents making threats they will never carry out.

If you would like to talk about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Linea de Apoyo at 1-877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and books, CDs and DVDs at the PRC Specialty Library (105 First Street SE, Austin).