Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting

This year, I’ve resolved to be kinder and to stop lying.

What do you lie about?

About being kinder.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: What does this mean? YYUR YYUB ICUR YY4Me. Too wise you are. Too wise you be. I see you are too wise for me. What do you call a Chihuahua in the winter? A chili dog. People who refuse to drive in a roundabout are out of the loop.

The cafe chronicles

Everything is followed by a cold spell. It’s winter, but my appetite refuses to adopt winter hours.

The waitress asked if I wanted a table or a booth.

I asked in return, “A chair or a sofa?”

I chose a sofa, a place where I could nap until the food arrived.

A scene from a marriage

“We need to go to town.”

I tried to ignore what she was saying.

“I need to go to the store.”

I wondered which store?

“I need to do some grocery shopping.”

Food? My ears went on alert.

“We’re out of bacon.”

Suddenly, I was in the car, honking the horn.

Nothing is what we expect it to be, especially winter

My wife and I were standing outdoors collecting donations for a charity. The accelerator stuck on an SUV about to go by. It rammed into a car containing five young children pushing it into a mini-van. The saving grace was that no one was hurt.

Due to the accident, many people got to spend time outside in winter weather that they hadn’t planned on. I thought of all the people in the world who don’t get any snow or frigid temperatures. The poor things are deprived.

We winter well here. Some neighbors winter well in Texas, but even they’ve practiced winter survival. We’re used to winter. When a glacier returns, schools are two hours late. Because they were riding in warm cars, not everyone involved in the accident was dressed for winter. Winter is when we need to expect the unexpected. It’s a hard thing to do, but we must respect the cold. I enjoy winter, but it’s out to get us.

Another recent winter day was wind-assisted and the blasts of frigid air turned my car into a whistler as I traveled some distance on rural roads. I was dressed for winter — long pants socks and thermal wedding ring. There was a hat with earflaps resting in the backseat because there had been an ear quality advisory issued by whoever it is that issues ear quality advisories. What is an ear quality advisory? It means that we’d be wise to wear earflaps if we want to continue to be able to wear eyeglasses or sunglasses and/or have a place to hang an earring.

A friend told me that she’d just gotten a new car. It wasn’t a brand spanking new car, but it was new to her. The car was equipped with seat warmers. They warmed the seat upon which she sat. They are just the things for those who enjoy having toasted buns.

I had a rental car once that was equipped with seat warmers. They were too hot for me. I needed seat potholders.

A conversation while crossing a county by car in the company of a spousal unit

“The weatherman said it was going to snow, but what does he know?”

“I see some flakes falling. The ground is turning white.”

“This city has a population of 753,” I said, attempting to change the subject.

“Wow, 753, huh? That and you are both incredible.”

Nature notes

“What’s a chicken hawk?” It’s a common name for any hawk believed to prey upon domestic fowl. It’s called chicken hawk because that’s much easier to say than domestic fowl hawk. Some call them hen hawks. The term probably fits the Cooper’s hawk best, but the red-tailed hawk is most likely to be called the epithet. Small mammals make up the bulk of its diet. The Cooper’s hawk is an accipiter (a sharp-shinned hawk is another) and has short wings and a long tail that enable the skilled flier to dart through vegetation in pursuit of birds. A Cooper’s hawk’s diet is mainly birds.