QUESTION: Can games become the foundation for positive parenting?

ANSWER: Yes, indeed; for creative parents, interactive games can definitely become the basis for positive parenting techniques that build cooperation.

What we do with our eyes, for instance, makes a major difference in how our children respond to us and our directions. Most every adult can describe “the look” they remember from a parent who wanted to interrupt an unwanted behavior. Have you played the “stare down” game with your child: competition over how long you can look at each other without blinking? That game usually ends in giggles. If you play that game regularly with your child, you have a technique for focusing and redirecting your child’s attention. “Connor, look straight in my eyes and don’t blink.” Break the stare down with a wink and a laugh and then give the redirection. It is likely you will have changed the atmosphere and will achieve cooperation.

How many counting games have you played with your child? Certainly you’ve played hide and seek and “counted down” while your child hid. When you give a direction to your child, it is wise to pause calmly, slightly redirecting your own focus, and wait for action. If your child begins to act appropriately, she deserves a genuine “thank you.” If, however, she is slow in responding, an appropriate sentence is “I’m going to count down from 10, if I get to 0, I can do this myself and I will not be cooperating when you make your next request of me.” Remember, you must not cooperate with her next request, using the words “not this time.” There is no need to provide a lecture; she may complain, but she’s smart and she’ll get the connection.

Most team sports have players learning to “read signs” from coaches, referees or umpires and other players. Effective parents can describe the signs to their children that are going to result in their intervention to change behaviors: louder voices, silliness and carelessness may mean too much sugar, so no sugar drinks or treats for 24 hours; lethargy and grumpiness in the morning may mean not enough sleep, so earlier to bed for three days; agitation, non-involvement and isolation may mean a relapse in drug use, so there will be an appointment with a chemical dependency counselor.

To talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in child-raising, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and free resources at the Parenting Resource Center Specialty Library (105 First Street SE,