QUESTION: How do I help my children feel secure and confident?

ANSWER: Children feel secure and confident when they believe they are capable. Effective parents help their children become capable by teaching them new skills directly and providing them opportunities to learn, as well as time to become more competent through practice.

Sometimes what we fail to understand as parents is that becoming capable in an area develops in stages as children grow older.

If we want our child to become secure and confident about managing money, we start when they are 5 or 6 years old, helping them become familiar with the differences in coins; they learn that bigger does not mean more in terms of pennies, nickels, and dimes. They learn that saving coins can result in gaining dollars, in varying amounts. If we’re smart parents, we will get our children involved in grocery shopping by the time they are 12 years old. For instance, we will have them cutting out coupons and helping find the matching products on the grocery shelves. We will also give them opportunities to comparison shop, figuring out costs and quantities. Finally, if we’re wise, we will have talked and practiced budgeting with them before they are 18 years old. It will not be a surprise that having a car includes not only gasoline, but tires and maintenance costs and insurance, with higher premium rates with accidents or that taxes get taken out of paychecks before you get them and sometimes you get money back from the government and sometimes you pay more.

What about becoming a capable caregiver? First there are teddy bears and dolls; then there are pets, with the need to feed them, clean up after them, keep them safe and love them. Then there is being expected to help entertain and monitor younger siblings. Perhaps there is helping in a church nursery or with a Sunday school class or a Cub Scout Den. Next might come taking courses to become a certified babysitter or a youth sports coach or a lifeguard, which might lead to summer employment.

Being confident and feeling secure happens step by step. Where do you think your children might be headed? Help them have lots of experiences that keep building on their interests and strengths in every age and stage of their development.

If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in child raising, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and parenting resources at the PRC Specialty Library (105 First Street S.E., Austin).