Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting

There are three things I can’t remember. I can’t remember faces and I can’t remember names.

What’s the third thing?

I can’t remember.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: My morning had started with an “Uffda!” It’s a word I use when I have to get up, but I don’t want to. I thought getting old would take longer, but it’s taught me that an easy way to learn from the mistakes of others is by giving them advice.

A yawning break conversation

It was a tough meeting. We took a yawning break.

“You are so funny on the TV. You never fail to make us all laugh,” said a friend as we sipped bottled water.

“I used to be on TV. I was on it for years, but I’m not anymore,” I said, trying to be proactive in dispelling any notion that I broke one of the prime Midwestern commandments, “Thou shalt not break thy arm patting thyself on thine own back.”

“Oh, yes, you are. We put your picture on top of our TV.”

Modesty is important, but I know that it’s difficult for anyone to see how wonderful a person is if that person doesn’t see it himself or herself.

William Edward Hartpole Lecky (someone came up with that name without the help of a single hyphen) wrote, “To see things in their true proportion, to escape the magnifying influence of a morbid imagination, should be one of the chief aims of life.”

My friend helped me see things in their true proportion.

Fake weather

I was working in St. Cloud, Minnesota in January. It rained. That wasn’t right. I awoke in the morning and staggered outside into a frigid day. I stared at a beautiful crystal. I was so taken with its charm that I nearly forgot that my car was encased in it. I was fortunate enough to be able to open the rear hatch and retrieve a long-handled ice scraper. I attacked the thick ice with a ferociousness that I generally reserve for tater tot hotdish. I’d made glacierlike advances and had my car’s glass nearly ice-free when people from a nearby car approached me. Their car had Alabama plates and they asked if they could borrow my ice scraper. I replied in the affirmative, just as soon as I’d defeated the last bit of ice cover. I’d no sooner responded when my scraper broke in two. I handed it to them. It was shorter, but still usable. I told the Alabamians that they could keep the ice scraper as a reminder of their trip to Minnesota. If they make another visit, I suspect they will bring a flamethrower.

There is fake news. I suppose weather predictions could be faked, but the weather we get is definitely not fake weather. Whether the weather be fine, or whether the weather be not, whether the weather be cold. Or whether the weather be hot, we’ll weather the weather whatever the weather whether we like it or not. I drove home in a storm that had all the charm of a used sloppy joe napkin. Weather doesn’t come with an owner’s manual.

As part owner of Minnesota, I’m just happy to have weather.

Getting high on wrenches

I was helping my father repair the windmill on the farm. I didn’t understand all that I knew about fixing things. I hadn’t grasped the concept of when things needed to be repaired. My father understood what a motor was saying. I didn’t speak engine. When an engine wouldn’t run, it sounded OK to me. We were working at the top of the tower. It didn’t reach to the moon, but it was up there. My father cautioned me to be careful.

“Remember,” he said, “if you fall off, it’s a long climb back up.”

Nature notes

“When do great horned owls nest?” They begin nesting in January or February. The timing correlates with the arrival of spring so that prey is numerous and available when the eggs hatch and the young require food. The eggs hatch about the time that the snow is melting. Young owls learn to fly at about three months of age. The parents spend the summer teaching them needed skills. Great horned owls don’t build nests. They use the nests of hawks, crows, herons and squirrels, ledges, tree cavities and snags, and deserted buildings.

Meeting adjourned

Be kind and be a motivated listener.