By Gema Alvarado-Guerrero

Parenting Resource Center Executive Director

Question: How does divorce affect my kids?

Answer: Children, no matter the age, suffer when parents go through separation. In fact, children from the age of 0 to 2 may sense the tension, but won’t know how to deal with the conflict.

Children may demonstrate: irritable, hyperactive, throw more tantrums or the intensity of the tantrums escalates, have difficulty sleeping, cry more often and/or experience anxiety when they are away from their parents. Children view parents as invincible, as the problem solvers, as the heroes who make every bump and bruise feel better with a hug and a kiss. Therefore, when parents separate, that safety net that children rely on also breaks.

Children, just like adults, go through the six stages of divorce: shock and denial, anger, depression, acceptance, sorrow, and negotiation in which; children may say things such as “If I eat all my supper every night, will you and mom get back together?” These stages may not be experienced in this order, and the duration of each is different for each child. It should also be noted that children may regress to a previous stage.

One of the best things that parents can do to support their tykes during this time is to avoid sending conflicting messages. Remember that children: have the right to continue loving the other parent, have a relationship with him/her, express their feelings and continue to live their childhood, which is oftentimes stripped from kids at such a young age. Avoid making them little adults by having them play the messenger, or spy on the other parent and then have them report their activities to you. Instead, offer support, trust, stability, encouragement, and safety and security. If, for any given reason, you and the other parent are having conflict when trying to set exchange or visit the children, or need information on co-parenting, remember that the Parenting Resource Center can be added to your support system during the transition.

Gema Alvarado-Guerrero is the Executive Director of the Parenting Resource Center in Austin. If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about family challenges, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528.  For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.