Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

I should see that movie, but I’ve already read the book.

I saw the movie, but I didn’t read the book.

The book was great. Why didn’t you read it?

It was too dark in the movie theater.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: I saw a young fellow about my age, out in public, with his shirt buttoned incorrectly. He had a shirt with either one too many buttons or one too many buttonholes. Men do this on purpose because they know some people don’t enjoy seeing perfection in others. How do men know when to stop talking? They stop when everyone’s eyes have glazed over. I spoke at a gathering when an audience member fell out of his chair. He was OK. He’d fallen asleep. Some years ago, my wife’s blood pressure had gotten a little high. Her doctor gave her a prescription, and told her to go home and stay away from stress. She replied, “How can I? I’m married.”

From fire hydrant to cellphone

The family legend was that I’d been raised by wolves. It was nonsense, of course, but I did have an unexplainable attraction to fire hydrants.

My cellphone isn’t sporting a gray beard, but in the digital world, it’s no longer a spring chicken. I think about getting a new one. Dennis Anderson of Hartland has the same model phone as I do. His sage comment was, “Why get a new one? I can’t do everything this one can do.”

’Tis the season

I followed my wife into a gift shop. There were personalized Christmas tree ornaments for sale. She looked to see if one carrying her name was available. Sure enough, there was one with “Gail” printed on it. She then searched to see if one might bear my first name. Alas, there was a joyous no Al.

Athletic endeavors

I’ve coached, but I know little about coaching anymore. If someone knows nothing about coaching, I know even less than that.

I gave a basketball coach what I hoped would be a useful line. “They are bigger than we are. They might be better than we are. They are going to be very unhappy when we beat them.”

He used it and his team won.

His team was very athletic, but there are athletes everywhere.

I asked the UPS driver how many miles he put on each day. He told me approximately 180. I asked if he had a fitness tracker to keep track of his steps. He replied that he used a cellphone to do that. Each day, his cellphone told him that he had climbed seven flights of stairs or more, all from getting in and out of his van. A step class is taught at some fitness centers. The step is a 4-inch to 12-inch raised platform. A participant steps up, around, and down from the step in different patterns to boost heart rate and breathing, and strengthen muscles. The UPS driver gets paid while taking a step class.

Nature notes

When you have a chance, take a good look at a grackle. It’s a beautiful bird. Common grackles are abundant and widespread, though their populations declined by nearly 2 percent per year between 1966 and 2014, resulting in a cumulative decline of 58 percent according to the North American Breeding Bird Survey. I see them here from early March to late November. They nest in May through July. The young leave the nest in 10 to 17 days. As soon as the breeding season is over and the young birds are well grown, they begin to gather in the summer roosts to form immense flocks. During October and November, these great flocks wander about over the country, often joined by starlings, cowbirds and other blackbirds, seeking suitable foraging places in grain fields, grasslands and swamps.

Cellar spiders are found in damp locations like basements, crawl spaces and cellars, and are confused with daddy longlegs, which aren’t spiders. Cellar spiders use a sneaky trick to catch food. When food is scarce, they abandon their webs and seek the webs of other spiders. They tap on a web, mimicking the actions of a trapped insect. When the owner of the web comes to catch its prey, the cellar spider captures and eats it. When they are disturbed or under a threat of attack, cellar spiders start vibrating violently in their webs to discourage an enemy. This has earned them the common name of vibrating spiders.

Meeting adjourned

You have superpowers. Use them to be kind.