Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

Why are you so happy?

I lost my wallet.

Why does losing your wallet make you happy?

I found it.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: The first too many cars I’ve owned in my life were rattletraps that found endless reasons to not start. I not only had to carry jumper cables in them, I had to use jumper cables on them. Then I did an odd thing. I bought a new car. I carried jumper cables in the new car. Talking Heads sang, “Same as it ever was.” It might have been force of habit or it might have been because I enjoyed helping others start their stalled cars.

There are no roads out of Juneau, Alaska, but many sights to see in its road system miles. The longest road, Glacier Highway, extends 40 miles north of downtown. Jim Shook lives in Haines, Alaska. You can drive out of Haines. It’s 146 miles to Haines Junction, Yukon. Residents of Haines tend not to wear out their tires. Instead of driving a car, much travel is done by airplane and ferry. Jim told me that his sister had given her 1991 vehicle away. It had 31,000 miles on it. She never needed to use a GPS to find her way around Haines. Jim drives his new car to the 33 Mile Roadhouse. You can guess how far that eatery is from Jim’s house. He does that just to warm the engine.

Walking and talking

I was hustling down a walking trail in Missouri, trying to put on the miles. I was misfiring on all cylinders. A fellow walker was seated on a bench, waiting for her second wind to arrive. She asked if I ever got leg cramps. I reckoned most everyone does. She said they tormented her. She found that a jigger of vinegar or pickle juice helped alleviate that problem. I asked her if she learned that from her grandmother. She told me that she’d learned the trick from “The People’s Pharmacy” carried on her favorite public radio station. She said that a teaspoon of yellow mustard is supposed to do the trick, too. On the subject of mustard, she learned that it’s also good for burns. Run cool water on a burn and then apply a thick layer of mustard.

I suspect some of these things work for some people and not for others. I don’t tree a raccoon with someone else’s hound. I countered with a statement that applying clear nail polish to chigger bites to suffocate the chiggers doesn’t work. Chiggers don’t burrow under our skin. My fellow walker already knew that. I should have told her about legendary newsman Paul Harvey’s claim that gin-soaked raisins cured migraine headaches, gout and arthritic pain. Of course, gin-soaked raisins might just be an excuse to drink in the daytime.

Ask Al

“If you could have a superpower, what one would it be?” The United States.

“What do you get if you cross a lion and a lamb?” A lion.

“Did the dairy cows you had give a lot of milk?“ They didn’t give any. I had to take it.

“What is the oldest human culture?” Toe fungus.

“What does lutefisk mean?” It’s Norwegian for “I’m not eating that!”

Nature notes

I was pleased to see rusty blackbirds in the yard. This blackbird, with its distinctive rusty feathers (in non-breeding plumage) and yellow eyes is one of North America’s bird species declining most rapidly, with its population dropping more than 80 percent over the past 40 years. Scientists are unsure as to the cause of this reduction, but the loss of habitat is suspected. Rusty blackbirds are denizens of coniferous forests with lakes and bogs, breeding in the northern muskeg region and wintering in the eastern U.S. where they form into small flocks.

It’s the season for muskrat mounds, otherwise called houses, push-ups or lodges. A muskrat doesn’t haul in logs and pack mud between them as beavers do. It fashions the mounds out of grasses, reeds and sticks. The mounds serve as homes in the winter. Muskrats eat the roots, stems, leaves and fruits of water plants, such as cattails, wild rice, water lilies and rushes. It also eats small fish, mussels, clams, snails, crayfish and frogs. Its name was probably derived from “le rat musque,” a French name shortened to muskrat. Otters and mink are its prime predators.

Meeting adjourned

”Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.“ –Voltaire. And the kind word he didn’t say.