Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

Do you know what smart people eat for breakfast?

No.

I didn’t think you’d know.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his driveway, thoughts occur to me, such as: I’m told that a vehicle’s owner’s manual has instructions on how to use a turn signal. I’m a man, so I don’t read owner’s manuals, but judging by the turn signal usage I see, I don’t think many people read owner’s manuals. Every automobile on the road moves too fast or too slow for someone else’s liking. In a perfect world, everyone could move at their own preferred speed without criticism or danger. My speed was the perfect one to get me to town and a seat near food. I stopped at the Eat Around It Cafe to be fed and watered. I sat at the Table of Infinite Knowledge where we each take turns having a clue and being completely clueless. The table wobbled, but not as much as some of those seated around it. It was an information exchange program. I ate a lovely salad, a combination of fruit and vegetables. I added a couple of embellishments to the salad, so I wasn’t just grazing. I strive to find happiness in the little things in life like protons, neurons, electrons and croutons.

A scene from a marriage

My wife wanted a new toaster, so she asked me to see if I’d fix the old one. I once overhauled the engine of a Rambler while using only a pocket knife and rusty pliers. That came to no good. By the time I’d finished fixing the toaster, it was beyond repair. The new toaster works fine. I miss the old one, but not as much as I miss people.

A cousin died. I’d heard wonderful things about her teaching skills. We didn’t live near one another. I saw her at funerals and reunions. I miss her. I should have reached out to her more often, but I didn’t. More’s the pity.

Al Batt’s brain cramps

I had a neighbor who had a bed hanging from the ceiling to keep the rats from running over him in his sleep. Some people thought that odd. They were the ones who had never had a rat run over them while they were sleeping.

You live in a small town if the directions you give are based on where things used to be.

Ask Al

“When I was in high school, some of the boys put tires on the rear of their cars that were much bigger than those on the front. Why did they do this?” So that their cars would think they were coasting downhill and get better mileage.

“Is everyone who spends the winter in Minnesota a part of a witness protection program?” Not everyone. There are 17 who aren’t. See if you can pick them out.

“What can you tell me about the Minnesota border with Iowa?” It’s not very well defended.

Customer comments

Glen Shirley of Farmington sent this (edited): The Bluebird Recovery Program invites you to attend its 40th annual Expo at the Cannon Falls High School on April 6. Presentations include: How to increase bluebird fledging. Lyme disease. Bluebird monitoring. In addition, all-time favorites Jim Gilbert, “WCCO Nature Notes,” and Al Batt, Southern Minnesota naturalist/storyteller, return. Information at www.bbrp.org.

Nature notes

The weather was abnormal. That’s normal. We gain over 90 minutes of daylight in March.

A Cooper’s hawk waited in ambush in tangled vegetation not far from my feeders. To the hawk, the birdfeeder provides birds for eating. It was a female hawk, as female raptors are generally larger than the males. Cooper’s hawks and sharp-shinned hawks look similar. A sharpie male is the size of a blue jay and a Cooper’s female the size of a crow. A sharpie’s tail tip is generally squared and a Coop’s rounded, but this identification hint isn’t infallible. I didn’t find the hawk on my own. The blue jays located it and had a collective cow, drawing my attention in the process.

In the darkness, I heard a fox bark, sounding like a decaffeinated Chihuahua. In the light of the day, I heard a starling doing the call of a hawk.

Each day brings oddities, beginning with a glance in my mirror. Weather is odd by nature. According to the U.S. Climate Data, in 2010 we had no snowfall in my yard during the month of March. Now that’s odd.

Pierre Salinger said, “The things that stand out are often the oddities.”

Meeting adjourned

Every day is a bonus. Be kind.