Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

I got my wife an earring for Christmas.

Just one?

There will be other Christmases.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

  I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: I gave a nice pair of shoes I never got along with to the Salvation Army so that someone else could walk a mile in my shoes. I walked a mile in the cold, wind, and snow. We have legendary winters. We can explain almost everything by the weather.

I talked to someone from Arizona about a job. She asked for my address. I gave it to her. She said, “That’s in Minnesota.”

I agreed it was. “What’s the average winter like there?” she asked. I told her I had no idea despite living here all my life because we’ve never had an average winter.

Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get. Four out of five meteorologists agree that they are 80 percent of the meteorologists.

Christmas comes but once a year

I waited so long to become an adult, only to discover that I’m not good at it.

“When are you going to put up the Christmas lights?” my wife asked.

“It’s too cold,” I replied, “I’m waiting until summer.”

“Then it will be too hot.”

“OK, I’ll do it next fall,” I said.

“Fine! Don’t put up any lights this year.”    

It was her idea.

Shivering is a Christmas tradition

I was a shivering boy from a combination of excitement and frozen socks. It was Christmas and I’d found thin ice on the Le Sueur River and fallen into its gelid waters — again. It was a blessing — an unintentional tradition that left me thankful I didn’t do it more often.

One year, I wanted and I got Silly Putty. It came in an egg and was a popular stocking stuffer. I didn’t know or care what kind of chicken laid the egg. I’d press the putty on a newspaper comic and the image of the cartoon character came off with the putty. It stretched and it bounced like a rubber ball. It was silly, but it was like putty in my hands.

Echoes from the hardwood

I once told a basketball team, “They’re bigger than us and they may be more talented than us, but they are going to be surprised when we beat them.” It was my Knute Rockne speech. Rockne was the football coach for Notre Dame when he gave his “Win One for the Gipper” speech to his players at halftime of the 1928 Army game. Rockne was trying to salvage something from his worst season as coach at Notre Dame. To inspire the players, he told them the story of the tragic death of one of the greatest players ever for the Fighting Irish, George Gipp. Historians doubt Rockne’s version of Gipp’s last words was true, but it supposedly went like this, “None of you ever knew George Gipp. It was long before your time, but you know what a tradition he is at Notre Dame. And the last thing he said to me, ‘Rock,’ he said, ‘sometime, when the team is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Rock,’ he said, ‘but I’ll know about it and I’ll be happy.’”

Anyway, Notre Dame did win the Army game and my team won its game. I shared my line with a friend who is a college basketball coach. He used it for a halftime talk when his team was trailing by a bunch. His team won. Have a great Christmas. Do it for the Gipper.

Nature notes

Some trees hold fast to their dead and dried leaves. This leaf retention is called marcescence and is common in some oak species and ironwood. Marcescence is most common with smaller trees and the reduced sunlight when growing beneath taller trees might slow abscission (the natural detachment of the leaves). The understory leaves might continue the photosynthetic process as upper leaves fall. Some speculate the retained leaves deter browsing animals, such as deer, by concealing the buds. Perhaps by holding onto their leaves, trees are able to retain and recycle nutrients.

Meeting adjourned

“May the song of Christmas be music to your ears, a symphony of love that resounds throughout the year.”

—Joy Bell Burgess

In the words of Richard Lederer, “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eyewash. Eyewash who? Eyewash you a Merry Christmas.”