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Admittedly, it’s been quite some time since I’ve regularly put the proverbial pen to paper — for a variety of reasons, that when scanned with a scrutinizing eye is an abnormal amount of this, that and the other thing.

With a dash of “you missed this” thrown in for hair-pulling good measure.

What I’ve discovered is that oddly enough a fair amount of you all seemed to miss by weird assortment of stories, reminisces and detailing of a fairly bland life.

Or at least I recognize it’s bland.

It’s been so long in fact that I have since forgotten how many readers I have now. I seem to think I was up to 49 or 50 or something like that. The only thing I know for sure is that Mayor Steve King was in the top five, but the only reason I know that is that he doesn’t let me forget it.

It’s a strange point of pride I guess.

By the way Steve, you’ll be happy to know the cats are fine. Obnoxious, by fine.

I actually spent a good amount of time trying to discover how to get back into the swing of things. Each week I always had a vague notion of where I was going with what I wrote, which when you think about it goes against what many people may perceive of me and contradicts their thoughts and meditations on where exactly I might be going from one minute to the next.

The key, I’ve discovered, is to hurry everywhere. It gives a sense that you’re always busy and sure of what you are doing and where you are going.

The most scrutinizing of my readers may know the reality, but those who may not know me as well probably just assume I have to go to the bathroom a lot.

Returning to the question at hand — where to begin?

First, I’m 6-1, about 175 pounds. I enjoy long walks on the beach … I mean … my garden is doing … well?

Actually, that’s a good place to return to considering that again, an abnormal amount of you seemed to be curious about that aspect of my life. I’ve always contended they enjoy the train wreck of my green-thumbed skills, but sometimes you all seem to actually want to know how it’s doing.

Jokes on you, of course. It’s actually doing quite well, except the cucumbers, but perhaps that’s a story for another time.

Rather, let’s talk about the cabbage I’m growing this year. Specifically, let’s talk about what I’m going to do with eight heads of cabbage in a household of two.

Admittedly, this comes down to lack of forethought on this farmer’s part. As we were doing our plant shopping I literally looked at the cabbage and asked myself, “how many plants do we want?” Supposedly, that answer was eight. Not once did I run through the math, nor have I really looked into preservation methods of said cabbage.

I have a couple viable options in terms of our household. The first is just a whole lot of coleslaw and judging by how well the eight cabbage are growing, it would be A LOT of coleslaw. Enough to, I would wager, properly supply several fall cookouts or church dinners.

I like coleslaw. I like coleslaw in moderation. I may make some, but eight heads worth is out of the question.

The other is the making of kimchi, which my other half just adores. Kimchi, as I have come to understand it (my apologies to the Korean community if I somehow get this wrong) is a traditional Korean side dish made of salted and fermented vegetables.

Often this will include Korean radish and … wait for it … cabbage, of which we have plenty, or will have plenty provided I don’t somehow screw this up.

I have never really eaten kimchi, much less made it, but my remarkably better half really likes the stuff so I, wishing to avoid sooooo much coleslaw, will attempt to make this dish for her.

I suspect that you will no doubt be wanting to know how things will go, especially with the promise that I will be risking my kitchen to make something I’ve never made before.

Remember, my only experience with fermenting things is honey mead, which has been amazing, but is a far cry away from fermenting vegetables.

So maybe it would be wise to have the former fermented goodness on hand to make the latter fermented experiment.

If nothing else, the story will be a lot better.