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Echoes from the Loafer’s Club Meeting

The world seems an odd place without Bud Grant in it. I did a great favor for Bud once.

What did you do?

He told me to stay away from him and I did.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. My mother and I walked from the post office to the fire hall to see my brother, the fire chief. The sidewalk was uneven. Mother tripped and fell right in front of the liquor—on a Wednesday. The good news was that she was uninjured. My mother was the strictest of teetotalers and had never tasted alcohol in her life. And of all places to fall, in front of a gin mill. In that odd juxtaposition, she found a teehee’s nest with a haha’s egg in it and laughed uproariously as a parade of people we knew drove by. I loved my mother, but I was at the age where having parents was embarrassing. My mother said I’d made a run for it and left her behind. That was said for comedic effect. I made three steps at the most before helping her to her feet.  

Somebody 

owes me $1

I wore my best cheap suit at the snazziest hotel I’d ever been to and attempted to act civilized while being blinded by the flash and dazzle. I was getting an award for doing what I was supposed to do and would be expected to mumble a few words. I’d get to eat like a famished wolverine by using more forks than necessary. I’d been advised I shouldn’t drink from the gravy boat and there would be restroom attendants. It was important to tip them. I figured they were there to keep me from using the display towels. I visited a restroom to make sure my tie and my smile were straight before heading to the ballroom for the banquet. I gave a $1 bill to a man standing there and thanked him for his good work. He seemed surprised but took my money. I worried the tip had been too small, but learned later that the hotel had no restroom attendants.

Peach pits saved lives

Germans used poison gas on World War I battlefields. It was initially chlorine, a yellow-green gas that caused death by asphyxiation, with phosgene and mustard gases introduced later. An American scientist found that charcoal made from the pits of stone fruits (peaches, plums, apricots, cherries) and the shells of certain nuts (walnuts, hickory nuts) could be used as filters in gas masks to stop the effects of poison gas. It took 200 peach pits or 2 pounds of nut shells to produce enough carbon to outfit one gas mask. Peach pits were collected. “The Army Wants Your Peach Pits,” read headlines in 1918. A Girl Scout campaign asked people to “Gather up the peach pits, olive pits as well. Every prune and date seed, every walnut shell.” It’s another reason to like peaches. They’re good eating and I’ve fond memories of peaches because we had an outhouse, which used recycled catalogs as toilet paper, but there were those glorious days when peach papers were the TP.

I’ve learned

The Lasso of Truth is Wonder Woman’s primary tool and weapon. It’s a magical, golden lariat that compels anyone captured within its noose to tell the truth. It’d eliminate politics.

My neighbor Crandall has a button labeled “Rear wiper” in his pickup truck. He’s afraid to push it. 

Americans eat more bananas than monkeys. 

That’s because bananas taste better than monkeys.   

Everyone wants to believe a Bigfoot exists.

Heredity runs in families.

Nature notes

I watched a “Nature” TV episode about squirrels. Dr. Mikel Delgado of the University of California at Berkeley discovered the fox squirrels in her study remembered and located about 90% of the nuts they buried. Their brains grew larger during the fall to help them create a mental map of buried treasures. A fox squirrel can stockpile 3,000 to 10,000 nuts a year.

The male American robin produces a rich and melodious caroling: “Carol carol carol, carol carol carol carol.” “Cheerily, cheer up, cheer up, cheerily, cheer up.” Males and females produce a variety of calls and notes—the most familiar being a spirited tut-tut-tut or pick, given as an alarm call in response to predators.

Migration is more for food than temperature. Birds migrate to find food and/or a welcoming climate and to avoid predators, parasites and diseases. About 75% of North American birds migrate.

Meeting adjourned

Save money, but give away kind words.