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Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

My wife is mad at me.

Did you forget to put ketchup on the shopping list again?

Oh, I put it on the list, but then I couldn’t read it.

Driving by 

Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. Easter ended in an R again this year. It was a busy day, one in a blender as are all days. I recalled a day I led a tour to Alaska when the day’s blender went berserk. It was a large group and over 50 bags of theirs (and my bag) didn’t arrive at the Anchorage Airport. We kept hopeful eyes on a baggage carousel that presented a few bags and then went empty. There was nothing to see there. Missing bags weren’t restricted to our group, but our bunch took it well. There were expressions of disappointment but no outrage. Fellow travelers, people we didn’t know, were incensed. Everyone acts important at an airport, finding it easy to forget that most of the people in the world weren’t them. They were certain their days had been ruined and had decided to remedy that by ruining the day of another, a lone young woman staffing the customer service desk. She was polite and kind, though overwhelmed. She did the best she could. It turned out that a couple of carts were forgotten at the departure airport. Things get misplaced. They would arrive in Anchorage on an early morning flight. A bus took our group to a lovely hotel. I helped airport folks wait for the rescue plane and load the bags into a large van to take to the hotel where we placed the correct bags outside the proper doors, a day late but not a duffel short. The next day featured an exhausted but happy me loading the bottom of the bus with bags. I was a baggage handler. That ended with an R.

Bad joke department

A dog and a cat died. They went to the Pearly Gates and met St. Peter, seated on a majestic chair. St. Peter asked the dog what it believed in.

The dog answered, “I believe in love, faithfulness, forgiveness and loyalty.”

St. Peter welcomed the dog through the gates and asked the cat, “And what do you believe in?”

The cat said, “I believe you’re sitting in my chair.”

I’ve learned

He who hesitates gets lost later.

If you keep the weeds cut low, they look like grass.

Welcome mats shouldn’t be taken literally.

If you want a healthy car, switch from motor oil to omega-3 fish oil. 

Nature notes

A friend grew up in a super-sized family that ate pancakes often and his mother made syrup from sugar and water. Surprisingly, he didn’t grow up to be a hummingbird. The best and least expensive solution for a hummingbird feeder is a 1:4 solution of refined white sugar to tap water—that’s ¼ cup of sugar in 1 cup of water. Bring the solution to a boil and let it cool before filling a feeder. You can make a larger batch and refrigerate it. Bring it to room temperature before refilling the feeder. Red coloring isn’t necessary. Don’t use brown sugar, honey, molasses or artificial sweeteners. In hot weather, the feeder should be emptied and cleaned twice a week. In cooler weather, once per week is enough.

Several readers reported headless rabbits in their yards. It might have been Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick. I’d put nothing past him but when folks perform a thorough crime scene investigation, they come up with a list of usual prospects (cat, celebrity chef, Elmer Fudd and Colonel Mustard). I’d guess the culprit was an owl. A great horned owl’s signature method when dealing with large prey is to behead the victim before it’s taken to the owl’s nest or eating perch. A study conducted in Kansas found 60% of an owl’s prey items were decapitated. A great horned owl has powerful talons and could cleave a bunny’s head as fast as a rodeo cowboy ropes a steer. Rabbit brains and eyes are a delicacy for owls and are full of fats and proteins.

A Eurasian collared-dove has a black collar on the back of its neck and a squared tail as opposed to the pointed tail of a mourning dove. Native to Asia, Europe and Northern Africa, this collared-dove was first documented in the U.S. (Florida) in 1986 and in Minnesota in 1998 and in Iowa in 1997.

Meeting adjourned

Don’t be easily offended. Be kind by being easily delighted.