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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

I got a speeding ticket yesterday.

How fast were you driving?

I don’t know. It all happened so fast.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. A single snowflake fell. I suspected it was an advance scout. I was right. My wife, armed with nothing but a table fork, was trying to land a pickle bigger than the jar it swam in. Dill pickles rock. So does pickled okra, but pickled beets taste like pickled beetles. My wife finds pickle fishing a demanding sport. I tackled the jarred asparagus as it pickles my fancy.

I spoke to a wonderful group with a boxelder bug on my head. I didn’t put it there. What does an audience say to a bloviating buffoon with a boxelder bug on his bean? Nothing. There were days this fall when it was difficult to do anything without having a boxelder bug on my head.

I taught classes on writing and birding. None of the college classrooms had a pencil sharpener. They should. I think every schoolroom should, including the bathrooms. The pencil sharpeners should be manual, not electric. Cranking a sharpener is excellent exercise and, as walking does, it fosters creativity.

A traveling man

I looked at 10-gallon hats at a Texas convention at which I yapped. The conventional explanation is that the hat could carry 10 gallons of liquid. It might hold three quarts. An ad for Stetson depicted a cowpoke giving his thirsty horse a drink from his hat. The name “10-gallon hat” is an exaggeration and carrying water in it would likely damage it beyond repair. Some historians believe the name came from the Spanish word galón, a braided hatband. Texans may have understood the word as “gallon” and the name spread. Others believe the name came from the Spanish tan galán, meaning “very gallant” or “very dashing.” Most cowboys wore bowler hats. The Stetson hats I looked at were $30-40 per gallon.

I’ve learned

To never keep a sledgehammer and a computer in the same room.

You’re never too old to say “horse” or “cows” when you drive past them.

When I was a boy, we had butter every meal. We liked gravy, but it wasn’t as good as butter on the pancakes.

Every trick-or-treater that showed up at my door this year was dressed as the Invisible Man, but I couldn’t see why.

The journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture found popular country songs are countercyclical to what’s happening in the country. In good times, the songs are slower and more morose. In bad times, they get celebratory.

Two words open a lot of doors. They are “push” and “pull.”

Bad jokes department

“What’s the difference between Congress and organized crime?” One is organized.

“How does Shrek like his eggs?” Ogre easy.

I realize now I shouldn’t have rubbed the ketchup in my eyes. Of course, that’s in Heinz sight.

Laxative won’t cure a cough, but it will make you afraid to cough.

Nature notes

Crows announced my arrival. I followed trembling leaves down a trail while leading a nature walk. As I pontificated to those nice enough to join me, house finches sang. The birds are permanent residents, but some undergo a short-distance migration south. Males sing throughout the year, except during a period of molt (late July to October). I spotted a hermit thrush on a picnic table near the trail. Considered by many to have the most beautiful song of all birds, its soul-stirring sound is flute-like and ethereal, and led to it being nicknamed the “American nightingale.” It doesn’t do much vocalizing during migration.

At home, there were playground scuffles among the native sparrows scratching beneath the feeders. I saw a white-throated sparrow without a tail. When a hawk or cat tries to capture a songbird, the songbird has a trick called a fright molt, which is what it’s called when a bird loses feathers due to sudden stress. This usually involves feathers near the tail or rump, where birds are likely to be attacked as they flee. It can be a lifesaving technique when a bird is about to be caught—similar to a lizard dropping its tail.

There is a downside to having your tail scared off. A tail assists the bird in turning and balancing in flight, but if dropping feathers allows the bird to fly another day, it’s worth it. It will make do until a new tail grows back.

Meeting adjourned

“As much as we need a prosperous economy, we also need a prosperity of kindness and decency.”–Caroline Kennedy.