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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

One of my shoes is tighter than the other.

Are your feet different sizes?

No, I put both socks on the same foot.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. It was stupid cold, which gave voice to my brilliance, “It’s up to 8 below.” Jack Frost nipped at my nose. It was cold enough that the sun had hidden under a blanket. The north wind had picked up and I blew around like down from a thistle. It was a winter wonderland. A friend, Jim Shook, told me he’d fired a harpoon cannon in his Alaska yard. It was loud. The neighbors enjoyed it, but their chickens couldn’t sleep for a week.

My wife and I attended a high school basketball doubleheader in Janesville, Minnesota; not the Janesville in Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, Pennsylvania, California or New York. The local high school girls’ team took on Sibley East and the boys battled Belle Plaine. We had relatives playing for Janesville-Waldorf-Pemberton and Belle Plaine. There was an enormous crowd with the customary grousing about the officiating, especially “over the back,” which isn’t a foul. To be the mother of a basketball referee must bring heartache. I didn’t want to officiate on the floor or in the stands, but I happily tolerated the complaints to witness all those fans being more focused on kids playing passionately than being preoccupied with the activities of an overpaid NFL quarterback. That’s a good thing.

A pantleg blunder

We all put on our pants one leg at a time. I’ve heard that all my life. I spent a day at the clinic going through a series of tests. My job was to take off my clothes, don a gown, be tested, take off my gown, put on my clothes and go to another waiting room. Repeat as necessary. After the last test, I was in a hurry to get home. I’d dumped the gown and put one leg into my pants when I discovered I’d put my leg into the wrong pantleg. We may all put on our pants one leg at a time, but not everyone puts them on correctly.

A penny to pay the clinic

I picked up a penny near a gas pump.

“You’re tall,” said the guy at the next pump.

I couldn’t argue with him. My feet are far away.

“You could have hurt your back while picking up the penny. What are you going to do with a penny?”

I told him if that happened, the one-cent piece would go into the clinic’s coffers.    

“See a penny, pick it up. All day long you’ll have good luck,” I said before handing the coin to him and adding, “Give a penny to a friend and you’ll have one cent less to spend.”

He laughed and put the penny in his pocket.

We used the Vega

as a freezer until June

Mom wanted a small car because it took too long for a big car to turn a corner. She got a Vega. During one of the blizzards of the century that we had several times each year, she became stuck at the end of her farm driveway. When the storm had subsided, she called her sons and we rode in like the cavalry. I don’t know why she had cracked open a couple of windows. To give the snow shelter on a nasty night? The fierce wind filled the Vega with snow. By mid-June, we had the snow removed.

In the headlines

Football team’s offensive line passed all their classes because they were too big to fail.

Rollercoaster closes because of mountain goats.

Man gets salesman of the year award and immediately sells it to a coworker.

The potatoes resembled Hawkeye and Radar, so the Gizzard of Oz Chicken Shack’s cook made MASH potatoes.

Leak in the dairy case at the Food Crypt caused by hole milk.

Nature notes

On average, January 23 is the coldest day of the year in much of the Northern Hemisphere. The warmest day of the year, on average, is July 24. A January thaw is defined as at least two straight days with temperatures above 32 degrees.

December and January are when great horned owl pairs engage in vigorous hooting while establishing territories and courting. They’ll be incubating eggs by February. The breeding pair performs a duet of alternating calls, with the larger female’s voice noticeably higher in pitch than the male’s.

Meeting adjourned

Mark Twain said, “I can live two months on one good compliment.” Be kind.