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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

I wish I could quit smoking.

Have you ever tried?

Yes, but only between cigarettes.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. Labor Day is galloping our way. It’s the traditional day to take down the Christmas tree in the Batt Cave and for the man ahead of me in a checkout line to buy rubber bands. He must not have had a junk drawer. The most common item found there is the rubber band.

I spoke in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I was thrilled by visits to Pea Island National Wildlife Refuge, Cape Hatteras National Seashore, Wright Brothers National Memorial at Kill Devil Hills, and Roanoke Island. On August 1587, a group of 117 English settlers arrived on Roanoke Island, off the coast of what is now North Carolina. Later that year, the colonists decided that John White, the governor of the new colony, would sail to England to gather a load of supplies. Upon his arrival, a war broke out between England and Spain. Queen Elizabeth I called on every available ship to confront the mighty Spanish Armada. In August 1590, White returned to Roanoke, where he’d left his wife, daughter, infant granddaughter (Virginia Dare, the first English child born in the Americas) and the other settlers. White found a worm in his apple. There was no trace of the colony or its inhabitants and few clues to what might have happened, apart from the single word “Croatoan” carved into a wooden post. They’d disappeared like your brother-in-law when the collection plate was being passed. Croatoan was the name of an island (now Hatteras Island) south of Roanoke and home to a Native American tribe of that name. There are many theories about what happened. English settlers founded a colony 17 years later at Jamestown, a short distance to the north. I think about the Lost Colony every time I can’t find something. It lessens my stress.

I’ve learned

When you drive in the opposite direction, you’ve made a wrong turn.

Be careful when carrying a vase of oopsie daisies.

If we are what we eat, shouldn’t we be eating more rich foods?

When Midwesterners go to a casino, they win when they break even.

Men’s belts shrink with age.

Cursive is a secret code only older people can read.

Eucalyptus is the only tree named for the sound it makes when it’s pruned.

What we need is a maximum wage law.

Money can’t buy happiness because it’s all used to buy votes.

Age is just a number found in deductibles, copays and coinsurance.

I can’t get over how uplifting pole vaulting is.

Grilling steaks doesn’t make you outdoorsy.

Bad jokes department

Before the Iron Age, did people wear wrinkled clothing?

Is egagtrom another term for a reverse mortgage?

Would Noah be called a climate change extremist today?

How hard is it for a driver of a Jeep Compass to become lost?

Does artificial turf get artificial dandelions?

I made a tuna salad yesterday. It turns out tuna prefers herring.

The neighbor washed his car with his son. A chamois cloth would have worked better.

Nature notes

I clung tenaciously to an agreeable day of incredible insect diversity. I noticed no wasp (hornet) looked cuddly, and cabbage white butterflies weren’t everywhere, but they were trying. I looked up to check for winged ants. Cornfield and field ants swarm on late summer afternoons. Carpenter ants swarm in the spring. Thistle seeds blew in the wind. The striking orange and black painted lady is one of the most common butterfly species in the world and is called the thistle butterfly. It migrates to warmer climates in winter. Goldenrod bloomed. It isn’t the bad guy that causes hay fever. Blame ragweed. Sunflowers and compass plants followed the sun. Chokecherries provided astringent fruit. Sumac turned red and wild cucumber bloomed. Crabgrass, an annual that gets its name from its stems that spread outward and resemble the legs of a crab, showed a dark-reddish stain.

Boxelder bugs congregate on buildings. This native insect feeds on boxelder, maple and ash trees. They love the warm sun on buildings with southern and western exposure. Adult boxelder bugs can easily fly several blocks and may travel as far as two miles. If you want them gone, a simple solution is to add Dawn liquid dishwashing soap to a spray bottle full of water and shake gently to combine. Spray directly on the bugs.

Meeting adjourned

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”— James M. Barrie. Be kind.