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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

If I won $1 million, I’d give a quarter of it to charity.

That’s mighty generous of you.

It’s no big deal. I’d still have $999,999.75 left.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. It’s shorts and hoodie weather. It surprised me to receive the Pole-to-Pole badge from Fitbit for reaching 12,430 lifetime miles, not counting the miles I’d put on a broken watch. I wish I’d gotten a Fitbit earlier as I enjoyed dashing through the snow from the North Pole to the South Pole. Instead of making another trip between the Poles, I dashed to Farming of Yesteryear (FOY) in Kiester. FOY is a place that remembers. I told stories on stage, bought a few books, visited with friends and wondered how those tractors had become so old.

I remembered

I’d been a lucky hitter all tournament and expected that to continue when I stepped into the batter’s box. The opposing pitcher, Bernie Waldhauser, delivered the pitch. I closed my eyes, swung and hit a grapefruit Bernie had substituted for the softball. Everybody found it funny except the umpire, who got squirted by the grapefruit.

How to ruin a knock-knock joke

Knock, knock.

I’ll get it.

I’ve learned

Neither John Wayne nor Clint Eastwood was from Texas.

Stonehenge was the first Lego set

I enjoy hot showers more than hot weather.

Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow.

A birthday cake is a participation trophy.

If someone tells you how intelligent he is, he isn’t.

We complain more about road construction than we do about bad roads.

Ask Al

“When you milked cows, how did you make sure you got all of a cow’s milk?” We tilted the cow by lifting her front end.

“Where’s the best place to find perch?” Under a parakeet.

“Where can I find the best beef stomach?” Try Tripe Advisor.

“How does a skunk smell?” With its nose.

“If crows are so smart, why can’t I understand what they’re saying?” It’s because they are so smart.

“How can I stop a coyote from coming onto my deck?” Stop ordering things from Acme.

“Why don’t they teach kids cursive?” It’s because the kids learn to curse online.

Bad jokes department

Sarah left her Pepsi 60 miles south of Tampa. That’s where Sarah’s soda is.

My wife told me I’ve grown as a person. She said, “You’ve gotten fat,” but I know what she meant.

I have four legs, eight arms and three heads. What am I? A liar.

Where do you find an ocean without water? On a map.

Nature notes

What will the winter bring? I predict cold and snow every year and, if I say so myself, I’ve nailed the forecast each year. Mild and dry. That’s the winter forecast for Minnesota from the Old Farmer’s Almanac. The Farmers’ Almanac’s prediction is for a cold winter with average snowfall in Minnesota, which I think is the same thing they predicted last year. The Old Farmer’s Almanac thinks the winter of 2024-25 will be kind and resemble last winter, which it had predicted would have average to colder-than-normal temperatures in areas that typically receive snow.

When northern cardinals and blue jays finish nesting, it’s time for them to molt and replace their old feathers. Some lose all their head feathers at once in a normal molt.

Not all gulls are eating pilfered pizza in a parking lot. The Bomgaars store in Albert Lea had a large flock of ring-billed gulls on its roof. The Latin word “arena” means sand, and the stage where the gladiators and exotic animals engaged in mortal combat was covered in a thin layer of sand. The store’s roof might be a gull arena. Now, the gulls are molting. Feathers are flying, and the sidewalk in front of the store appears to have hosted the state’s largest pillow fight. Like many birds with brilliant white feathers, the gulls were hunted for the millinery trade and their eggs were stolen from nests for use in restaurants. Many farmers, wrongly believing the gulls were pests, shot them in large numbers, causing gull populations to plummet. Ring-bills are omnivores that go where they can find food—eating fish, worms, insects, grains, small rodents like mice and voles, human garbage and enjoy french fries spilled outside fast-food restaurants. They frequent landfills, farm fields, shopping malls, parking lots and beaches. A black band around a yellow bill identifies the adults.

Meeting adjourned

“It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.”—Lena Horne. Be kind.