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Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

I’m completely exhausted.

From opening all your Christmas presents?

No, from playing with all that bubble wrap.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Is it just me, or do we get winter every year? A weather forecast including freezing rain never draws applause. I had nothing to complain about except the weather. That’s a good day. It had rained, and then it snowed, leaving ice. The ice was very realistic. I stood on some of it. I was dressed for the cold, and I’m used to the snow. When I was a boy, I had to walk three miles uphill through deep snow to change the TV channel.

I wore a favorite pair of socks as I stood on the recent ice. What made them favorites? They were warm and they didn’t fall down. I could hear what every basketball coach calls out to players on defense, “Move your feet!” I shuffled like I was wearing slippers many sizes too large for me. I had no desire to make an unintentional snow angel. Winter can be a cruel mistress.

I’d been driving when it rained and snowed. I didn’t express any negativity, but I didn’t once say, “This is fun.” According to a new study, “Frosty the Snowman” is the most dangerous Christmas song to listen to while driving. According to Insuranceopedia, South China University of Technology conducted a study that found songs with over 120 beats per minute led to more dangerous driving habits. The 1950 hit, first recorded by Gene Autry, has a BPM of 172, which was higher than any other song they examined.

I’ve learned

You push the door. You pull the door. If neither opens the door, the business is closed.

When you step on the scale, pretend the number is your IQ.

Minnesota has a blanket policy. The more blankets, the better. We all know this poem: Thirty days hath September, April, June and November. All the rest have 31, excepting February alone, and that has 28 days clear and 29 in each leap year. But January could have up to 300 days.

Wearing size 14 shoes is no small feet.

Bad jokes department

What do you call a wolf that already knows? Aware wolf.

I wrote a step-by-step guide on how to fall down the stairs.

Peruvian owls hunt in pairs because they’re Inca hoots.

If you think lima beans are good, you should try any other food.

News from Hartland Harold

I enjoyed reading “21 Siblings: Cheaper by the Two Dozen” by Helen Miller, which told the story of Alvin and Lucille Miller and their 22 children (all single births). The Millers began their married life on a farm near Hartland, Minnesota, in 1940 before moving to Waseca. When the 11th child was born, the oldest was 12. I suspect all 22 learned the abiding rule of large families, “Don’t be late for supper.”

Keith Kuiters of Clarks Grove is follicly challenged (there’s a lot of that going around), but his sense of humor remains intact. He pulled the comb he always carries from his pocket and said, “I’ll never part with it.”

Minnesota State Mavericks senior football player Gabe Hagen was named to the AP All-American First Team. The tight end from Blooming Prairie is the son of Dave and Joan Hagen. Dave is a graduate of Ellendale-Geneva High School.

Joey Batt became the fourth Maverick women’s basketball player to earn All-American honors. She was named to three All-American teams. Joey’s parents are Brian and Laura Batt of New Ulm. Brian graduated from New Richland-Hartland High School.

Nature notes

The bald eagle is now officially the national bird of the US, after President Biden signed that into law on Christmas Eve. My thanks to Preston Cook of Wabasha for being the driving force in making this happen.

Duane Miller of Hartland asked how far a skunk can spray. Adults aim accurately within 15 feet, but the spray goes farther when wind aided. Skunk spray contains N-butyl mercaptan, a sulfur compound with a pungent rotten egg smell that a human nose can detect at 1 1/2 miles away.

Skunks hold enough odorous liquid to spray 5-6 times before needing to replenish, and it takes 8-10 days to refill. When they’re about three weeks old, a baby skunk’s scent glands have developed enough to produce the spray, but not with the quantity or the velocity of an adult skunk.

Meeting adjourned

“Do you wish the world were happy? / Then remember day by day/ Just to scatter seeds of kindness / As you pass along the way.”—Ella Wheeler Wilcox.