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As 2024 fades, we can easily see how old interpretations become new again. With that in mind, it may be time for us to switch gears and see things through new lenses. No group of people does this better than children. A nun in a parochial school took this thought to heart when she began wondering just how thoroughly her students had absorbed her lessons. Their answers nearly threw her planets out of alignment.

Here we go. (Off comments by me.)

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day but a ball of fire at the night. (Yee haw!)

Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread with no ingredients. (It wasn’t bread. It was lefse.)

The Egyptians were all drowned in a dessert. (Not an easy things to do.) Afterwards, Moses climbed up Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. (See. Your mother always told you that too many desserts were bad for you.)

The first commandment was when Adam and Eve were made out of an apple tree. Then Eve told Adam to eat a particularly delicious looking apple. (Wasn’t her fault. It was a Honey Crisp, for Pete’s sake!)

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. (Hands down the most favorite and oft-used Biblical directive EVER!)

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. There Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. (Which only proves that the Canadian health care system is not all that it’s cracked up to be.)

The greatest miracle in the Bible was when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. (Reckon Junior saw what Dad did to Jericho when it didn’t stand still!)

David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. (Boy, oh, boy … could those Finkelsteins ever play the liar!)

Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. (So much for the wisdom of Solomon.)

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. (It was followed by “I Believe In Miracles.”)

When the Three Wise Guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. (It was a 24-hour McDonalds in Baltimore.)

Jesus taught the Golden Rule which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained that man doth not live by sweat alone. (Especially if he’s working the manager’s midnight shift in Baltimore.)

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. (My sainted mom, mother of four babies in three years), would have killed for one of those.)

The people who followed the Lord were called the Twelve Decibels. (Even today congregations know them as the hand bell choir.)

The epistels were the wives of the Aposties. (Makes perfect sense to me.)

One of the opossums was St. Mathew who was also a taxi man. (He later switched to driving Ubers because it paid more shekels.)

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. There he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.

(A prime example of why perfectly contented celibate priests should not cavort to Presbyterianism.)

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. (Yup! It’s what you’ve always heard. Blonds—and cavorting former Catholics—have more fun!)

Don’t you see. What the World of 2025 may need more than anything else is the uncanny insight of children. Heck, I for one would not want to admit to adultery with an apostie wise guy who owned 700 porcupines, touted a bread recipe with no ingredients, cavorted to Christianity where he preached monotonous holy acrimony, and finally did not live by sweat alone just because his mother once had an immaculate contraption while working the midnight shift at a Baltimore McDonalds which resulted in the Finkelsteins having unsympathetic genitals.

See what I mean?  Happy New Year