Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

“Are you telling the truth?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Constantly.”

“Well, there’s your answer.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: gravity makes sure that life isn’t easy for anyone.

Things I’ve learned

1. If you pour strong coffee into a toilet, the toilet’s handle jiggles itself.

2. The goal of the last conference speaker of the day is to finish early.

3. I can stand a lot of pain as long as it’s not mine.

A left turn isn’t right

UPS delivers millions of packages and documents each day. I see those signature brown UPS trucks everywhere. I read a New York Times article relating that UPS has operating procedures to avoid making left turns as much as possible. This practice is meant to save the gas used while idling in preparation of making a left hand turn.

I followed a UPS truck that made two left hand turns ahead of me. We made up most of the vehicles on the road, so it spent no time idling while waiting for traffic to clear. I made two right turns and three left turns to take me to a supermarket. I pushed a shopping cart down the aisles while attempting to make nothing but right turns. I didn’t wait for a single traffic light to change, but I don’t think it increased the cart’s gas mileage. It was sample day at the supermarket. Nice folks took positions in areas of heavy traffic in the store and offered free samples of foodstuffs. I found myself at the corner of “bread/buns, soup, dry beans, saltines, broth, lunch meats” and “ketchup/mustard, vinegar, canning supplies, pickles/olives, salad dressing, mayo,” enjoying a mini-slice of pizza. I was multi-tasking—shopping and supping. The truth be told, the only reason husbands shop for food, other than necessity, is because it is sample day. When it comes to free samples, husbands know which way to turn.

I ran after the first shot

We were co-leaders of a birding tour that had found a good bird in North Dakota. We needed to do a celebratory something. He went for the high five. I went for a handshake. He went for the low slap. I went for the fist bump. We settled on a lift of the chins as a, “Nice.” Only the latter was what we both expected.

I was new to the school experience. We lined up in the gym for immunizations. I was the first in line for my grade. I’m not sure why. I had pretended to be brave about the upcoming shot (they gave us too much notice) for so long, that I had become brave. A friend from the grade ahead of me was first in line, just ahead of me. She was brave about everything. Nothing frightened her — not even vocabulary tests or hotdishes with secret ingredients. The doctor gave her the shot in her arm and she smiled in defiance — until the needle broke. Her calm smile turned into a terrified scream. My bravery deserted me and I made a run for it. My teacher caught me by the scruff of my neck. She wore high heels, but she was quick in them. I didn’t expect any of that.

Lightning bugs

When I was a tot, I discovered lightning bugs. Sensation came first, followed by perception. I thought it was magic. Then I learned about fireflies. Now when I see tiny lights traveling through my yard, I know that it is magic.

Tornado tales

The tornado had not left him with much. He rebuilt. It was a slow process. I asked him how it was going. He told me that the new shed that was replacing the one destroyed by winds was a dandy. He explained that a door on his old shed had not been situated properly to be of much use. The new shed had a door that was just right. He smiled. We are a resilient lot.

Nature notes

Some roadsides are blue. The flowers are chicory, best known for being an alternative to coffee. A German folk legend tells of a young couple who parted. The young maiden went each morning to the road where she had separated from her betrothed and awaited his return from a voyage. She eventually succumbed to despair and died by the side of the road. Chicory grew at that spot. Chicory opens its flowers in the morning and closes them at night.

Meeting adjourned

Wisdom speaks in kind words.