If I ruled the city of Austin, nobody would be allowed to park a pickup truck, minivan or full-size van and certainly not an SUV in the first parking spot in all directions at every corner.

Thursday, April 26, 2001

If I ruled the city of Austin, nobody would be allowed to park a pickup truck, minivan or full-size van and certainly not an SUV in the first parking spot in all directions at every corner.

If I ruled the city of Austin, there would be no shortage of police officers. I want the good guys to outnumber the bad guys in every situation.

If I ruled the city of Austin, there would be no shortage of full-time firefighters. I want trained professionals on duty 24/7; especially with more than $1 million in firefighting equipment under one roof and one of the finest fire stations anywhere.

If I ruled the city of Austin, every developer who wants to bring a new business or industry to the city would have to file a flood impact statement with his application. I’m not against progress, but by now Austin knows it comes with a price.

If I ruled the city of Austin, every one of those developers who gets Tax Increment Financing benefits would have to go before a public meeting crowd once a year and tell just how their business was doing, how many jobs they have created and how much wages and benefits they give employees and give a deadline for becoming profitable and being able to get along without TIF.

If I ruled the city of Austin, the welcome signs would be printed in more than one language and in the most polite way possible I would also print the message that "Minnesotan" is spoken here.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would have every employee display a bumper sticker on their vehicle listing their job title and salary.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would require all elected officials to spend a day with the animal control officers, chasing loose dogs and cats and then volunteer a shift at the Mower County Humane Society’s animal shelter cleaning out pens and cages.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would revive the people’s or magistrate’s court and get more use out of the Council Chambers in City Hall while at the same time relieving District Court to handle what it’s there for: drunk drivers.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would sell no property for less than it cost the city – i.e., taxpayers – to buy it and remodel it.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would tell all the nice people who want an ice skating rink to build their own with all the private sector funds they have collected. Dick Dixon was right. See his letter to the editor in last Thursday’s Austin Daily Herald.

If I ruled the city of Austin, whoever it is that keeps buying homes in the flood plain would be required to mow the lawn left behind when the house is moved. Not until the Austin Parks, Recreation and Forestry Department gets enough employees will it be able to keep up with this flood farce.

If I ruled the city of Austin, once a month in the summertime all residents would have to sit on their front steps and talk to their neighbors. No hiding on decks on back or behind privacy fences. We’re all in this city together.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would always appreciate all the good and positive things Hormel Foods Corp. does for the city, but reject the next idea to name any public thing after SPAM and leave well enough alone.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would rescind a half-cent sales tax until I had specifics for a concrete flood-control measure and then I would only do it after apologizing to all the other people who have proposed such a tax for the city’s infrastructure only to have those ideas rejected.

If I ruled the city of Austin, I would make reading the Austin Daily Herald mandatory … just kidding. I only wanted to see if you actually were reading this whole darn column.