Inquiring minds want to know.

Thursday, November 18, 1999

Inquiring minds want to know.

There’s no stopping their curiosity.

When you walk among the good people of Mower County, you have to expect their questions.

"How did you spend National Potty Day?"

First, let me say this about that. We’re all sorry that mistake occurred and some more than others.

If you’re referring to National Poppy Day, I bought a poppy for a donation from the world’s greatest poppy salesman, Doug Fladland, a decorated veteran of World War II and a member of the Austin American Legion Post, who has been distributing poppies for 53 years.

"What’s new on the crime scene?"

They’re still fighting it, but it’s getting harder to keep a straight face. The other day, the Austin police received a complaint from a mother that her son was wounded when struck by a granola bar.

I missed the best one some time ago, when a fellow called the Mower County Sheriff’s Department to complain somebody stole six buckets of dirt from his farm field. He saw him do it and when the sheriff’s department confronted the dirt thief, he admitted the crime, using plastic ice cream buckets. Fortunately bloodshed was avoided when the pair agreed to a compromise. The thief returned three buckets of dirt.

"Have you heard any Tom Mullenbach stories lately?"

The legend of St. Thomas continues to grow. Beryl Buchan, a retired insurance agent, remembers when his rural Adams farm was guarded by a turkey, who would attack strangers driving in the yard.. But, Tom and his brother, Ray, supplied the best one the other night at the Adams American Legion Post’s chili and oyster stew supper. Tom and Ray told this one themselves. They once had a pet white-tailed deer, that would eat apples out of their hands and wait for them to come home from work each day.

"Whatever happened to the former Austin public schools superintendent?"

That would be Dr. J. Douglas Myers and I’ve asked around and nobody has seen him.

"Dear Mr. Bonorden: I am enclosing excerpts from two of your feature articles in the Herald of Nov. 11, 1999. I have marked two words with a yellow marker. I am going to hope that these misuses of the word ‘he’ were merely typographical errors and not your errors."

Thank you, Mrs. Helen S. Mears. How very perceptive of you to recognize they were, indeed, typographical errors and not my own.

"I saw you at that Jon Hassler book reading last Sunday at St. Olaf Lutheran Church. What were you doing there? I didn’t know you could read."

Very clever. I didn’t know funeral directors had a sense of humor.

"Say, Bonorden, what was that Austin city council meeting with the Mower County Board all about? It read like they weren’t too happy with each other."

A lot of people have asked about that meeting. It was reported as I saw it. The county officials were on edge and the more the city officials pressed for answers, the edgier the county representatives got. I didn’t know whether to distribute Preparation H to them or take them out back to the woodshed. Nothing was accomplished.

"You didn’t really go to that women’s oil wrestling exhibition at that bar in Austin awhile back?"

No, but I dreamt about it.

I understand the Bresnan cable television people were none too happy with your story blaming them for the interruption of the Fox Network’s signal during the Vikings’ game last Sunday?

No, they were not. It seems, when the cable signal they provide for an awful lot of money each month to their subscribers fails, people are supposed to immediately drive to Ostrander and scream and holler at a tall tower over there.

"What did ya’ think of the Austin school board race?"

It was great to see so many people vote and I was surprised how the way I voted matched theirs. I guess great minds really do think alike.

Lee Bonorden’s column appears Thursdays