Betty Arett, just about the most positive person I’ve ever met, prepared me for the 2009 Mower County Fair with this advice:  “Happiness keeps you sweet, trials keep you strong, sorrow keeps you human, failure keeps you humble, success keeps you glowing, but only friends keep you growing.”

Among the 80,000 people who visited the 125th annual Mower County Fair, Aug. 11-16, I met a few friends with stories to tell.

Tongues were wagging.  Opinions, observations and the juiciest gossip anywhere was flowing.

Here are some examples of the conversations:

‘Wild animal terrorizes Taopi family’

A prominent Taopi couple who live in the northeast part of the community discovered a woodchuck entering their garage and vandalizing it, leaving the couple feeling violated.

Anyone seeing a woodchuck hitting golf balls in the fields around Taopi is asked to call authorities immediately.

‘Lyle woman mistakes Reggie for missing

husband”

An obviously shaken Lyle woman claimed Reggie, the 1,200-pound boar lounging in a pen in the Children’s Barn Yard, resembled her husband taking a nap.

Apparently, the overweight husband had left home earlier this summer to audition for a male version of the popular FOX television show “More To Love.”

The wife said, “He would have had a better chance getting a part on ‘Biggest Loser.’”

When county fair security officers woke Reggie and the Lyle woman took a close look, she announced, “That ain’t my husband.  He doesn’t have our television remote and his favorite six-pack.”

Reggie was allowed to return to sleep, and the Lyle man is still missing.

‘LeRoy residents face squirrel population

explosion”

LeRoy residents are at wit’s end over what to do about the number of squirrels running all over the town, creating havoc everywhere.  They show up uninvited at backyard picnics, tease dogs and threaten cats.

A retired elementary school teacher suggested handing out tiny condoms to the pesky critters.

The idea was rejected, when a retired city official said, “The female squirrels will only say they forgot where they put them.”

A compromised solution was reached when volunteer firefighters agreed to drop birth control pamphlets, titled “Straight Talk About Nuts” in squirrel nests throughout the community.

‘Try this, you’ll like it’

Through the years, I have valiantly resisted the temptation to sell out.  The Mower County Fair was always the most seductive place I could test my integrity.

Sure, there might have been a few free Wonder Bars. Maybe even a cold beer. Or sweet corn left on my bicycle seat. And a cup of Earl’s Homemade Ice Cream.

But, never ever money.  “Bribe” and “Bonorden” don’t go together in the same sentence.

This summer, because I am retired as a full-time reporter I decided I could bend the rules.

Sort of.

I found myself trapped in the Plager Building by a very persistent woman who forced me to make a promise. She wanted me to plug her daughter’s new business in my weekly column.

Thus, Regency Home Healthcare Services of Austin is the best home healthcare service anywhere.  “Home is wherever you want to be.”

At my age, plugging home healthcare to remain independent doesn’t seem all that wrong.

Send the check to: “Lee Bonorden, in care of: Austin Daily Herald.”