QUESTION: Are sleepovers a good idea for kids?

ANSWER: If we, as parents, are actively involved in the planning and supervising of sleepovers, they can be fun and good learning experiences. We can learn a lot about our children’s friends when they are with us for 15 hours. We find out who is well mannered, who is chatty, who is a follower and who’s a leader. Similarly, other parents get to know our children.

Kids can learn a lot from sleepovers, too. They see how other families live and have an opportunity to practice social skills beyond the immediate family circle. It can be a real pleasure to be told that our children can be talkative and helpful in new situations.

Most kids aren’t ready for a sleepover at a friend’s house until they are about 8 years old. Sleeping over at grandparents or the home of close family friends can be an exciting adventure, however, when they are 5 or 6.

Sleepover tips: 1) Listen for clues to what your child might be worried about. Don’t assume that your child’s concerns are just about being away from home. Kids invited to a group slumber party can be worried about being left out by the other kids. 2) For first sleepovers, be accessible. It’s not uncommon for kids to call to say they want to come home. Say, “It’s okay. You might want to stay overnight next time.” 3) Support your child’s desire to bring a blanket or stuffed animal to a sleepover; even teenagers take their “special stuff” along.

Being alert and around, but not right in the middle, is an adult guideline whether kids are 10 or 15. Find out if your young guests have any allergies to foods, feather pillows or pets. Share the house rules with a smile — like acceptable noise levels, TV and computer use and other concerns you might have – and be ready to intervene early if the rules aren’t being followed. Fill the refrigerator with what you want the kids to eat — and always have food like popcorn on hand.

Be in touch with parents of the kids you are hosting, or who are hosting your child. Call and thank the parent who gave you a free evening or, perhaps, time to focus a little more attention on another one of your children. Ask if everything went smoothly. When everyone cooperates, sleepovers can be a great part of growing up.

If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204. For free emergency child care, call the Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. www.familiesandcommunities org.