Compliments of a friend, here are doctors’ opinions on the federal government’s bailout:

The allergists voted to scratch it, and the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but

The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. The pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!” The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the radiologists could see right through it and the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the plastic surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”

The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say “no.”

In the end, the proctologists left the decision up to some (Fill in the blank) in Washington.

It’s that time of year

I’m not panicking yet although Christmas only two weeks away.

I’m holding my ground and pledge I won’t get Scrooged by those television ads for Christmas presents. I’m stronger than that.

When all the grandchildren arrive home soon, we will decorate a Christmas tree.

Get that: a C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-s tree.

This may not be politically correct, but so be it.

We call it that in my household.

Not a holiday tree or Hanukkah bush or Allah plant. We will be celebrating a birth on Christmas Eve. Anyone who thinks differently in my house is fixin’ for a fight under the mistletoe. You’ve been warned. This message is for kids expecting a visit from Santa Claus.

Times are tough everywhere this December, because of the economy, so my advice children: Be naughty and save Santa a trip.

Area loses a great storyteller

And lastly, I’ll tell you how scary this exciting Christmas month can be: Kenny Wermager has died.

Just last Monday, Linda Johnson (Mrs. Doug) and I were talking about Kenny at the Donut Connection and what a great storyteller he was and how he was so proud of his military service in World War II, the autobiography he wrote for his family and how he and wife Mavis battled health problems and came back for more of what life had to offer them.

Mike Adams called and had more to tell about the Elkton man, about how he and Mike Spear opened the old Port restaurant early each morning and served coffee.

When the Port became Shakers, the new owners continued to give Kenny the key to the place to open it for early morning coffee in Elkton.

Bob Roberts had more flowers, but Kenny and Mavis decorated their street corner with flowers, too.

And he was a Herald subscriber for more than 50 years.

In the end, we had trouble getting the Herald newspaper to Kenny for whatever reason, particularly the Sunday edition.

I heard about it on Sundays, when he would call me at home. “A lot of us country folks out here use those advertising circulars in your Sunday paper for shopping in Austin, and if we don’t get them we don’t go shopping,” he would say, while I winced on the other end of the phone line.

“I see cars go by me on the blacktop every day, including your competitor, too” he would zing me good.

December is still the best month out of the year for what news it brings, but this one is going to be missing something with Kenny gone.

And, who’s going to be opening Shakers for the early morning coffee crowd?