Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

I stepped on my eyeglasses and crushed them. I’m so thankful.

Thankful?

Yes, I’m thankful that I wasn’t wearing them at the time.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: the weather is never to everybody’s liking.

Cafe chronicles

He was a saver of words. He didn’t use many. Many men are quiet on a Monday. If you’re not a Vikings fan, you don’t have much to talk about.

He enjoyed eating cake because it was somebody’s birthday somewhere. It wasn’t so cold that the cake was covered in permafrosting.

“It’s good to see that you’re on top of the grass,” he greeted me. It was good.

The waitress advised, “Don’t let the special know you are afraid.”

I’m thankful for her advice, the good company, and for more blessings than I deserve. Happy Thanksgiving.

Coming home

One day, I was working in Haines, Alaska, where the price of gas was $4.33 a gallon and not a flake of fallen snow. The next day, I was flying out of Juneau featuring a temperature of 33 degrees. My flight out of Ketchikan was delayed due to maintenance issues. I was OK with that. I like my airplanes to be able to take off safely and land on the other end. The plane’s problem was in the cargo area and necessitated load reduction.

They found room for nearly everything, but a dog needed to be left behind. A fellow passenger said, “If that were my dog, it’d be flying and my husband would be staying here.” I arrived in Minnesota to more than enough snow to go around and a temperature of 5 degrees. It was colder in my garage than it was in Alaska. My first duty upon retrieving my vehicle was to jump start a gigantic pickup truck for a fellow from Kansas. I was wearing no hat or gloves because I’m a guy. Some birds grow more feathers for winter. It’d be nice if men could grow long underwear when frigid weather hits.

It wasn’t long before my wife and I were ringing bells for the Salvation Army. While doing that, I saw an electronic sign change the price of gas from $2.72 per gallon to $2.69. I hadn’t seen that before. I’ve seen the price changed manually, one number at a time by use of a long pole. It was hard to miss seeing those. Seeing the price of gas drop is better than seeing the Times Square ball drop on New Year’s.

The game was football

Coach Johnson was only slightly older than us. We were having a good season on the gridiron, but not a good practice. The coach called us a bunch of sissies and other things. He was showing how to run a play. He’d been a great halfback in college. We didn’t tackle him. Why would we? He was our coach. He became frustrated and ordered us to tackle him as if it were a real game. We did. His leg was broken.

Customer comments

Nan Wenner of Haines, Alaska, said that her mother used to say, “Shut your mouth and eat.”

Rodney Hatle of Owatonna sent this, “There’s a certain mystery to life, isn’t there. Or is that misery? For instance, I trimmed my fingernails a week ago. I finally got around to cutting my toenails. And now my fingernails need it again.”

Keith Kuiters of Clarks Grove once had much more hair than he currently has. Sentimental Keith pulled out his pocket comb and said, “I’ll never part with this.”

Barb Brodersen of Skagway, Alaska, was surprised by a bear peering into the window of her house. It was so close, Barb expected it to say, “Could I have fries with that?”

Fred Taylor of Goshen, Indiana, showed me a photo of him holding a dollar bill. It was a picture of his trophy buck.

Winston Evenson of New Richland said, “It’s much easier to borrow something than it is to return it.”

Talking with the Holstein

The Holstein is a retired dairy cow, so she has time to talk. I wished her a happy Thanksgiving.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully before saying, “I’m thankful I’m not a turkey.”