Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

Is it cold enough for you?

I can’t feel my toes.

That’s no big deal. They feel just like your fingers only shorter.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I never forget that there is something I should remember.

Ask Al

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Yes, “Uffda!”

“If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?” Bad at math.

“What would you do if you knew you were going to live forever?” I’d make sure that everything I bought came with a lifetime guarantee.

The cafe chronicles

Someone sneezed with gusto. I ducked. You never know where a used cough drop might fly when powered by a sternutation.

The chowhound covered his hash browns with salt, trying to cover up that nasty potato taste, as he sang, “Cigarettes. I’ve had a few, but, then again, too few to mention.”

He was older than he once was and younger than he will be. He told all who were willing to listen that he thought he’d lost his belt buckle this morning, but he’d put his pants on backwards. He’d grown a beard. At his age, if his hair wanted to grow anywhere, he wasn’t going to stop it. Newton discovered gravity in the 1600s, but the man said that he was in his 60s before he really began noticing it.

I interjected that I’d been looking for a book I had about Isaac Newton, when the book fell from the shelf and hit me on the head.

We talked of old cars we’d owned that had run on alternative energy. We had to push them. Then the chowhound had to go home. He needed to finish writing the postcards he was sending that said, “Wish you were here instead of me,” to snowbirds wintering in Arizona, Texas, Florida and California.

Knitting at a basketball game

The novelist Jules Verne wrote, “You will travel in a land of marvels.”

Each day that allows a single smile is marvelous.

I sat at a basketball game recently. I sat between two knitters. One was my wife. The other knitter was a young lady in the seventh grade. My wife had strayed from her typical cherubic demeanor after knitting herself into a corner, so I visited with the seventh grader. I was amazed at how much sharper she was than I remember me being at that age or at my current age. I was a decent seventh grader, but I was never quite good enough to make a career of it. I blamed it on my sharpened with love, Ticonderoga Number 2 pencils. They had too many wrong answers in them. I got a C-flat in music class. I was an essay guy in a multiple-choice world. The highlight of my year was that I never threw up in health class. Even though my report cards were typically smudged with my mother’s tears, I learned things. Things like, it’s “i” before “e” except after “c” or when sounding like “a” in “neighbor” and “weigh.” And in classmate Roger Heine’s last name. One day, I learned so much in school that I forgot my name.

Customer comments

Ric McArthur of Morpeth, Ontario, sent this, “Patience is something you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the driver in front of you.”

Harvey Benson of Harmony wrote, “I lived in Finland for some time. Sometimes the president would go to see someone at a care center when they turned 100 in order to wish them a happy birthday. One time when he was visiting a lady he asked her if she was married. With a wink and a smile she answered, ‘Not yet.’”

Talking with the Holstein

The Holstein is a retired dairy cow, so she has time to talk. The Holstein is a model of politeness. I asked for her secret.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully before saying, “Being polite means asking questions that you don’t want to know the answers to.”

Nature notes

“Do blue jays migrate?” Blue jay migration is a mystery. Some individual birds may migrate south one year and remain here the next. It’s unclear what factors determine whether a blue jay winters in the north or south. I’d think food supplies would be a factor.