QUESTION: What’s the best way to influence children?

ANSWER: Without a doubt it’s role-modeling. Have you heard the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?” Then there’s this thought-provoking statement: “Don’t worry that your children aren’t listening to you; worry about how closely they are watching you.”

Think about this: When do our children listen to us with the most interest? If you are like most parents you will agree that it’s usually not when you are diligently trying to teach them something you think is important or when you are reprimanding them for poor behavior. However, children tend to be very interested when we are trying to have a private conversation with another adult. It seems to be human nature that people of all ages have a hard time ignoring conversations that are happening around them.

So, it’s wise for us to be intentional about the conversations we are having with others when our children are around. Often times this happens naturally. Grown- ups talk with  passion about what really interests them and the conversations and “territory” become familiar and  skills and careers are passed on: electricians’ kids become electricians, pastors’ kids become pastors, farmers’ kids become farmers; musicians’ kids become musicians, gardeners’ kids become gardeners: the list is endless.

What is more important is that our values and character traits are most often “caught” by our children because of what they see and experience us doing with the other adult members of our family and our peer friendships. Habits are developed in groups and the family is the most influential group in the lives of children, which is a truth that is either a blessing or a burden.

If you would like to talk about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Linea de Apoyo at 1-877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.  Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and Love and Logic books, CDs and DVDs at the Parenting Resource Center Specialty Library (105 First Street SE, Austin).