Are the men simply happier?

Published 10:26 am Thursday, September 11, 2008

People — mainly married men — are always asking me, “Are men happier than women?”

Man-up, boys!

There is plenty of evidence to suggest they are, indeed, happier than their female counterparts in life.

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Read on:

Money

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

Bathrooms

    A man has seven items in his bathroom: toilet paper, toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel.

    The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Arguments

    A woman has the last word in any argument.

    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Future

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

Dressing up

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

    Women somehow deteriorate during the night and require extensive repair in the bathroom each morning.

Offspring

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought for the day

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

That came from a woman.

It’s a slow news week: The primary election did not cause the earth to stop rotating on its axis, the Mower County commissioners are still rotating on their’s or something similar.

The Austin City Council announced it plans to boldly go where no politician visits regularly: Common Sense-ville.

I have not yet seen a female wearing a Sarah Palin hairstyle and glasses.

So, I know things could be worse.

Who knows: Maybe there’s an idiot walking among us?

Unlike most of the stuff in this column, this is a true story:

“When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

“‘Hey!’” I announced to the technician, “‘It’s open!’”

His reply, “‘I know. I already got that side.’”

Footnotes: You’ve asked for it. Now, you will get it: The 2008 Best of the Mower County Fair supplement to the Austin Daily Herald will be published Sept. 19.

And finally, today’s the anniversary of the 9-11-01 terrorist attacks on America.

Let’s all say a prayer for America.