Mondays with the Mortician: Time heals all
Published 10:10 am Monday, July 20, 2015
Eric Weerts
Funeral Director, Mayer Funeral Home
A few years ago, I traveled to the east coast to work alongside a pre-arrangement specialist and fine-tune my skills in the area of preneed. We worked for a funeral establishment in Norfolk, Virginia called H.D. Oliver Funeral Apartments. I was puzzled why it wasn’t called a funeral home or chapel. I was told that when the establishment was built, during the Civil War Era, apartments were created above the funeral home for families that traveled long distances. Those families would stay for days in those apartments until their loved one was buried. The hospitality was similar to a hotel or bed and breakfast. They understood the importance of providing a service and a place that made families feel comfortable during their grief.
Since then funeral establishments have tried to do their best to guide families through the funeral process. In the early 1900s, a wake, viewing, or calling hours lasted two to three days. Visitations, as we know them now, sometimes are a single hour before a service. The shift from a several day stay to an hour before the service is drastic. The main reason that this occurs is because we are becoming a society of convenience, searching for the quickest and easiest way to grieve.
We are constantly bombarded with social media and instant communication. As a society, we are looking for instant gratification and it shows even in funerals. Tailoring a service to something quick and easy destroys the true purpose of a funeral, to allow loved ones to grieve and provide the first steps of healing.
Sometimes the convenience is needed because of work schedules. I have been in numerous arrangement conferences with families that mention that they just can’t take time off of work for various reasons. Employers should be able to offer their employees fair, honest bereavement time away from work. Giving an employee proper time for his or her grief is a way to show that you care and create an environment in which that employee can return strong in his or her position.
For the individuals who prefer to create the convenient funeral so they can return to their busy lives, I ask you to slow down and do what the deceased would have wanted. While funerals are for your family, they are for the community as well. There’s no need to rush the events to the point where your family or community cannot grieve with you.
Part of my job as a funeral director is to relay the most effective way for you and your family to survive a difficult time in your lives. Properly grieving is an emotional necessity during a loss. By creating a quicker, easier funeral plan, you ultimately hinder your ability to heal, which can cause many time consuming issues later on.