Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

When my wife first began to snore, it was so cute I could hardly stand it, but now…

But now what?

Now I can hardly stand it.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: If you leave dirty dishes on the counter long enough, they grow a new meal. The trouble with ignorance is that it’s confident. If you allow a cellphone into your life, don’t blame it for ringing.

The cafe chronicles

Bring your shovel and pitchfork to the Eat Around It Cafe. The portions are that big. It’s where the dessert can be an apology for lunch and the alphabet soup spells disaster. What is the nostalgia special? Leftovers. The cafe is where the lettuce salad doesn’t sell well. Most of the patrons get enough green food from the back of their refrigerators.

Bear with me

I came across bear scat in North Carolina. That’s what bears do when they forget the words to songs. Bears hibernate. There is safety in numb bears. If you encounter a bear, don’t run from it. A bear likes fast food. What is a fear of bears called? Common sense. Please remember that bear spray doesn’t work the same way as mosquito spray. A black bear fell through a skylight onto a table of cupcakes at a kid’s birthday in Juneau, Alaska. A bear called Tripod, because of a bad foot, raided the coolers on boats in Haines harbor. The bear was trying to find its bearings. Haines, Alaska, is so beautiful that bears hug themselves with joy. Bear hugs are fine things, but do not hug bears. I spotted the footprints of a gigantic bear in Alaska. It was overbearing. What do you call a grizzly half buried in a snow bank? A bear mid-drift. A friend told me to be careful when passing a grizzly den. I asked if there was a safer route? “No,” she replied. “That’s a bear you’ll just have to cross.”

I saw a bear one day and then I saw it again two days later. That bear’s repeating.

Travel tales

As I arrived in Lafayette, Louisiana, I said, “Lafayette, we are here.”

The small city of Haines, Alaska, doesn’t have a stoplight, but it has a brewery and a distillery.

I’d worked in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I’d said goodbye to the ocean as I left for home. The ocean didn’t say anything. It just waved.

I shoehorned myself into the seat of an airplane. The captain’s voice came over the speaker, “If there is anything we can do to make your flight more pleasant, we don’t want to hear about it.”

There were many kids from Juneau on the Alaska ferry with me. They were off to a debate tournament and some basketball competitions. They were rambunctious, but I think they were good kids. There were at least four of them that didn’t bump into me or step on my feet as I sat in my seat.

I took a short tour of a big city. Big buildings on my left. Big buildings on my right.

I was the auctioneer at a fundraiser far from home. It was an enjoyable gig. People were generous and kind. One of the things I auctioned off was a combination hot dog and bun toaster. If my wonderful mother still walked the earth, she’d be beaming with pride.

I returned to Minnesota in time for the first real snow at my home. As I am after each snowfall, I was grateful that I send my driveway out to be cleared. My father claimed that when the dark-eyed juncos, called snowbirds by many, returned, we’d have trackable snow in six weeks. The juncos predicted November 18. The snow event was on November 20. Pretty close.

Nature notes

A white Christmas is defined as having 1 inch of snow on the ground on Christmas day. According to the Minnesota State Climatology Office, here are the chances of a white Christmas shown as a percentage for each city. Albert Lea 69, Austin 67, Brainerd 97, Bricelyn 71, Detroit Lakes 90, Duluth 97, Fairmont 76, Faribault 78, Lanesboro 73, Mora 92, New Ulm 64, North Mankato 68, Owatonna 71, Rochester 78, Twin Cities 71, Waseca 81, Wells 72, and Winona 78.

Meeting adjourned

May you have all you need this Thanksgiving. May the word “kind” define you.