Echoes from the Loafers Club Meeting

I’ll be glad when the election is over.

Why is that?

Grandma is running out of cusswords.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Nothing is boring. I have had the pleasure of the company of many canines in my life. I don’t have a dog currently. I miss having that canine connection. Without a dog, I have to take the toaster for a walk every morning. Trying to be a good citizen, I bring along a bag to pick up the burned toast. Every summer, we are reminded who is really in charge of this country. It’s the orange barrels.

Two wings and a prayer

There were so many good luck trinkets and doodads in the cabin that it looked like a roadside souvenir stand. It was a form-fitting airplane. I was headed from one place in Alaska to another on a day that wasn’t meant for travel of any kind. “See the ground?” the pilot of the small plane yelled in order to overcome the sound of the flying machine. I looked out the window of the noisy plane and could see nothing but bad weather.

“It’s down there,” he said, pointing downward.

That was good to know.

I thought of a verse from the Bible that reads, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

I landed safely. The pilot had vision.

The reluctant garage door

I had a rental car once with a GPS that lacked direction. It sent me to places that I didn’t want to go. Now my garage door seems to lack direction. You’d think it would be easy to be a garage door opener. Up or down. That’s it. There is no sideways. My garage door opener doesn’t work when it’s light outside. It has a case of the daylight doldrums. It doesn’t work when it gets below zero. It clams up when it’s cold. My father once owned a car that started without a lot of extra work only when the temperature outside was between 56 and 68. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, perhaps that car has come back as my garage door opener.

I swear that it’s true

I whimpered. More than just a bit. I’d stubbed my little toe. It hurt like the dickens. It felt like I’d broken it off. For some reason, when I stub my toe, I usually stub my little toe, not my big toe. Maybe a big toe could take it better? Maybe a big toe would hurt more? I don’t want to find out.

I don’t swear when I stub my toe. I’m not good at swearing.

I remember going out to eat with my wife and another couple. The other man was recovering from a stroke. He looked great. The only remaining evidence of his stroke was a great difficulty in speaking. As we sat in the crowded restaurant, whenever he tried to speak, the words refused to come out, except for swear words that burst through, easily understandable and loud.

We got a lot of looks from the servers and diners.

It didn’t bother him.

He was a friend, so it didn’t bother me.

He uses a series of seeing-eye dogs 

His mother had believed that anything sharper than a basketball was intent on putting someone’s eye out. Because of that, he had always guarded his eyes.

With age, his eyes had weakened and his eyeglasses thickened. He told me that his eyesight wasn’t as good as it once had been. He tried not to let that bother him. He still walked each day. He enjoyed the healthy exercise. With the hot weather, he walked at night. He doesn’t see well in the dark and he doesn’t like carrying a flashlight. That’s no problem for him. When a certain dog barked, he turned left. When a different dog barked, he turned right. He walked toward the sounds of another dog. He knew every dog in the neighborhood by the sound of its bark.

The news from Hartland

Street department head promises to look into the potholes.

“Watch what you buy,” warns the unhappy purchaser of nose — canceling headphones.

Pepper Spray Giveaway Night at the ballpark proves to be a disaster.

Nature notes

“Do fake owls keep other birds away?” Sort of. They keep other fake owls away.

 

Meeting adjourned

“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” — Abraham Joshua Heschel