Perhaps, the saddest sight I saw at the Mower County Fair on opening day was the empty Other-Newspaper-in-Town-Whose-Name-I-Am-Not-Allowed-to-Say.

It was in the Plager building and I was on my way to the 4-H Sheep Show.

Of course, it was impossible to stop and reflect on the sight, because I was being muscled over to the Mower County Republicans’ booth, while Independence Party U.S. Senate candidate Steve Williams was trying to get my attention, somebody introduced me to the new Crane Chapel pastor and a 4-H mom stopped me to ask if I would take her daughter’s picture with her project.

That’s the Mower County Fair. Everybody’s got something to say and it’s my job to listen.

Marvin Smith, the quiet Smith brother if there is one, wouldn’t talk to me on-the-record except about his daughter, Bette. Gerald Meier, another one of Them Adams Folks did. Sure enough, Mr. Meier had late-breaking news about the Shooting Star bike trail, a bike ride this weekend and another one in September. “Get on it, Bonorden,” was his orders.

It got worse the next day.

When I finally got away and took a break from the excitement, I was minding my own business, waiting for the start of the daily fair board race to the dining hall.

Man, you’ve never seen a group of men and women move so fast.

Anyway, this fellow with a southern drawl stops me and asks “Are you saved?” and I told him “Yes, I was saving myself for a blonde from Blue Earth who promised me a ride on the Ferris wheel, and he says to me, “Take this. It will change your life.”

If a life needs changing it’s mine.

He gave me a copy of the Tennessee Ten Commandments and here they are:

(1) Just one God

(2) Put nothin’ before God

(3) Watch yer mouth

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin’

(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa

(6) No killin’

(7) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal

(8) Don’t take what ain’t yers

(9) No tellin’ tales or gossipin’

(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Hmmmmm.

I must confess, they sounded familiar to me, so I thanked him and kept what he gave me.

One of the pleasures of the Mower County Fair is the opportunity to hear so many interesting people.

I was waiting outside the Beer Garden to share my Tennessee Ten Commandments with someone, when I overheard five surgeons discussing who makes the best patients

to operate on.

The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon, says, “No, I really think librarians are the best: Everything inside them is in alphabetical order”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

“There’s no guts, no heart, no (use your imagination), no brains and no spine, and the

head and the (use your imagination) are interchangeable.”

After hearing that, I bought the guy a beer and wandered over to the cow barn for the 4-H Dairy Show.

Wouldn’t you know it, but you can’t avoid politicians there either.

I stepped in one of their promises and had a heckuva time getting it off the bottom of my shoe.

See you at the Mower County Fair.