It’s that time again: The 2008 Mower County Fair arrives Tuesday.

Don’t even think about doing anything else but visiting the Free Fair. It’s the best family entertainment value anywhere.

In fact, it has inspired me to write a song.

My apologies to John Denver and English teachers, too, but here’s how I feel about the Mower County Fair:

“Well life at the Mower County Fair is kinda laid back

Ain’t much an old Herald reporter can’t hack

Its the North Gate for me, Grace Lutheran friends to see

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter

Well a simple kinda Mower County Fair never did me no harm

Maybe, the Midwest Steer and Heifer Show, hiding from the Mounted Posse in a barn.

My days are all filled with things to do

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.

Well I got me a fine Wonder Bar I got me a lemonade

When the suns comes up I got cakes on the 4-H restaurant griddle

The Beef Cook-off ain’t nothin but a funny funny riddle

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter,

When the Tractor Pulls all done and the Combine Demolition Derby wasn’t a bore

I pull out my flashlight and mount my bike parked outside the door

The Fair Boards asleep so I keep it kinda low

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.

I’d visit the Beer Garden all day if I could

But the 4-Hers and their parents wouldn’t take it very good

So I daydream about winning at Merriam’s Midway Show, why I should I be workin’, while the county commissioners select paint for jail and justice center?

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.

Well I got me sunscreen I got me Baby Wipes.

When the suns comes up I wear protection.

Life ain’t nothin but fittin’ in a grandstands section

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.

Well I wouldnt trade my Fair Pass for a ride on the Zipper

I’m banned from St. Olaf dining hall, because I’m a bad tipper.

My Wonder Bar tastes like it’s made in heaven. Wish I had a ride on an Oliver Super 77.

Thank God I’m a Herald Reporter

Yeah, city folk be careful where you step

A lotta old people have lost their pep

Senior citizens, let me tell ya now exactly what I mean, got kicked at the mule show and heard ‘em scream

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.

Well I got me a date at the Ribbon Auction

When Saturday arrives I’ll be

waitin’ for Honest Glenn’s reaction

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.

Well, my girlfriend didn’t appear at the llama show

Once she took me by the hand and held me close to her side

Said, take me on the Ferris Wheel and buy me cotton candy

And thank God you’re Herald reporter.

Talent contest and old-time fiddlers wrap it up.

Last stop at the ADA Malt Stand and one more pronto pup

No Herald booth at the fair this year

Why you’re not getting your paper still isn’t clear

Somebody let the air outta my tires. Bet it was the Weasel, Danny V or Paul the Walter,

Thank God they’re not Herald reporters.

Well I got me a fine bike, I got me a camera

Notebook in my backback and plenty of stamina

Can’t waint to see old friends and new

Take the Mower County Fair big shew with me wherever I go stuck on the bottom of my shoe.

Thank God I’m a Herald reporter.”

See ya at the 2008 Mower County Fair next week!