Angi McAndrews

I.J. Holton Principal

It’s not unusual for parents of pre-teens to occasionally look at their child and wonder what happened to the angelic little one who existed a year or two ago.

When our children are younger, we watch their developmental stages with fascination; however, the rapid and profound developmental changes that occur during these pre-teen years can be unsettling to parents.

During the young adolescent years (ages 10-12), the frontal lobe and amygdala are growing rapidly.  The frontal lobe is responsible for “executive functioning,” which includes things such as planning, problem solving, working memory and impulse control. Children are moving into more abstract thinking, going from black and white to shades of gray. They are also seeking independence in thoughts, views and decision-making.

The amygdala is responsible for motivation, emotions, and emotional behaviors. Because these two parts of the brain don’t advance overnight, we sometimes see behaviors that don’t make sense given the perfectly tempered 8-year-old of yesteryear.

Here are a few examples of behaviors that might leave you shaking your head:

• Emotional reaction beyond the normal scope

• Actions without thought of consequences

• Misinterpretation of social cues or emotions of others

• Unprepared or forgetful (for school, for bedtime, etc.)

As you can imagine, when we fill a school with 800 bodies all undergoing these types of developmental changes, we see all sorts of behaviors that don’t make sense on the outside (examples: pushing another out of frustration, crying when not able to open a locker, forgetting to return a permission slip, not dressing warm enough on a cold day, using inappropriate language when upset, etc.)  As we allow time for reflection and talk with students about a sequence of events, they are often able to reflect in very sensitive and mature ways.  Surely if they were functioning from a fully developed frontal lobe and amygdala, situations would look remarkably different.

Here are a few ways you can support your child through these years of rapid brain development:

• Help them plan ahead by making notes or reminders.

• Limit the number of tasks to two at a time (take out the garbage and put your shoes away.)

• Give them space to calm emotions before talking through a tough situation.

• Encourage frequent breaks when working on homework.

• Ask questions to help solve problems instead of suggesting solutions.

• Give them opportunities to be more independent.

So the next time you look at your pre-teen during a meltdown or challenging behavior, please remember these words, “Yes, it’s normal.”