Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

You are as tan as my old baseball glove. Have you been playing a lot of golf?

You bet I have.

What’s your handicap?

That confounded little windmill.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his driveway, thoughts occur to me, such as: I read somewhere that biscuits and gravy are milk, butter and flour on top of milk, butter and flour. If you go off your diet due to a craving for sweets, are you a desserter? I’d talked to a welder who wore no shoes other than Crocs. He said he spent all day on his feet and the Crocs were comfortable. When they melted, he knew it was time to buy new shoes. I met Mark McNamara in Haines, Alaska. The 6’11” McNamara played in the NBA, but was once even taller. He worked as a stand-in for the actor who played Chewbacca, the hirsute Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, in “Star Wars.” I wanted to say, “Whoopee, a Wookiee!” but I didn’t.

The cafe chronicles

“What’s the catch of the day?”

“No one knows. We can’t catch it.”

“How do you fix your meatloaf?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never broken one.”

The weary, but

hopeful traveler

I was in England, attending a sheep auction. I enjoyed visiting with the energetic fellow who was over-shearing the operation.

This painter had an odd specialty.

A friend from Hayward was sprucing up his palatial estate before his daughter’s wedding that was to be held at the family home. He was scurrying about like a sack of squirrels. He sprayed for dandelions. He had neglected to clean the sprayer. It contained some glyphosate from a recent spraying. The spray not only killed the dandelions, it killed the lawn. What does a man do with a wedding looming and his family depending on him? He goes to the hardware store, of course. To buy grass seed? Not enough time for that. He bought some green paint and painted the dead, brown grass. His smile hasn’t gone dormant. It worked.

It’s not easy

spending $1 trillion

I’ve read and heard often that if I’d spent $1 million every day since the day Jesus was born, I still wouldn’t have spent $1 trillion.

I didn’t attempt to check the math on that, but it’s apparent that spending $1 trillion is a challenge.

I was going to get an oil change, but I decided to get one for my car instead. My gut told me it was the right thing to do. As I lounged in the garage, the mechanic told me that I needed a new air filter.

“Is it free filter Friday?” I asked.

It wasn’t. That air filter put me a step closer to spending a $1 trillion.

Ask Al

“What kind of shampoo did Medusa use?” Anti-venom shampoo.

“What was the most asked question this week?” It was, “What was the most asked question this week?”

“I have chickens, but the eggs keep rolling out of the nests. What causes that?” Restless egg syndrome.

“Is your hometown on the map?” Yes, it’s on the map of my hometown.

“Why do you spend so much time in a boat?” Because without it, I might drown.

“Any advice for going on a cruise?” Don’t go overboard.

Nature notes

“What is the origin of the phrase ‘in the catbird’s seat’?” The gray catbird is called a catbird because one of its most common calls sounds like the mew of a cat. A catbird seat means to be in an advantageous or prominent position, a place of ease, to be sitting pretty. Its first appearance in print was in a short story of that title by James Thurber, published in “The New Yorker” in 1942. Thurber’s character said that the expression had been popularized by the famous radio baseball announcer Red Barber. A batter facing a three balls and no strikes count might be said to be in the catbird seat. Catbird males often put their vocal abilities on display from a prominent perch, striving to indicate superiority over other males of their kind.

“Why are birds on the road?” There are a number of reasons. Food. From insects and seeds to the rodents scurrying across a road that owls hunt. Grit. Warmth. Roads are often drier than the grassy areas nearby after a rain or heavy dew, I see pheasants on roads after a rain because of that.

Meeting adjourned

Always be kind to everyone who has anything to do with the preparing of your food. You’ll want them on your side.