Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting   

I’m sorry I’m late.

You should be sorry. I’ve been sitting here like a fool for over an hour.

Don’t blame me for how you sit.

Driving by Bruce’s

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: I was on a detour of a detour of a detour when it occurred to me that I never really understood obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCD) until I got a cellphone. OCD is that excessive fixation with lists, rules, neatness, order and minor details. And that’s merely the tip of the OCD iceberg. I was about to enter a meeting. I turned my cellphone off. I entered the auditorium and someone who had something to do with running the show asked us to make sure to turn off our cellphones. I was pretty sure mine was turned off because I could remember all the way back to the few minutes earlier when I turned it off. Even so, I checked to make sure it was off. It was still off as no ringtone gremlins had been at work. The meeting slid into lunch. Cellphones were employed nearly as much as taste buds. I listened to a couple of voice mails on mine. After the meal was over and digestion had barely begun, the meeting resumed. I’d turned my cellphone off once more. Then another in charge reminded us all to turn off our cellphones. I’d just flipped the switch to off, but I checked again. It was off. The afternoon part of the daylong meeting hadn’t been in process long before someone’s cellphone sounded. I checked mine again to make sure it remained off. It had. It won’t take many more meetings before I’ll start checking whether or not I’d locked my car.

Mileposts

I talked to a fellow who was excited about his odometer. I remember when putting 100,000 miles on a car was reason for jubilation. Now it means the car is broken in. A friend told me he’d bought a brand new car. It had only 150,000 miles on it. In my formative years, I was told that a rich man buys a poor car and trades it off after a year. A poor man buys a good car and drives it forever. Back to the odometer. The man was thrilled about his car hitting 123,456.78 miles. Sometimes it’s odd when things come out even, but I understood his enthusiasm.

Ask Al

”What’s the secret to a happy marriage?” Saying nothing at the right time and not getting in the last word.

“I understand everything there is to know about computers. Is there any advice you could give me?” Of course, there is. I’m a grandfather. Grandfathers are noted dispensaries of advice — wanted and unwanted. I advise you to enjoy your 13th birthday party.

“What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?” Don’t give any.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” The cellphone reception was better there.

“Why don’t you buy lottery tickets?” I lack a firm grasp on what I’d do with $232 million.

Nature notes

“How many nests does a pheasant have each year?” Pheasant hens will nest up to three times if their nests are unsuccessful or destroyed. If they lose the first nest, they will attempt a second. If they lose a second nest, they will try a third. They raise only one brood per year. They lay an average of 11-13 eggs on the first attempt and that number is reduced with each subsequent nesting. By the third nest, the hen might be incubating only one or two eggs. Some pheasants may nest in April, but mid-May through the first 10 days of June is the prime nesting period. Most nesting after that is likely renesting. The incubation period is about 23 days.

“Do deer whistles work?” The National Undersea Research Center performed a study on the effectiveness of deer whistles. I’m not sure why an undersea research outfit was studying deer, but it was. Air velocity whistles were mounted onto various vehicles. The researchers recorded the sounds the whistles produced. They discovered the whistles made signals either unlikely to be heard because they were drowned out by engine noise, other vehicles, high winds or rain, or they were outside the normal hearing range of deer. A study published in the “Journal of Wildlife Management” concluded that whistles don’t change deer behavior in any way. There are many other studies finding the same results. There is no hard evidence that deer whistles work.

Meeting adjourned

Disliking a person requires a reason. Liking a person doesn’t. Be kind.