Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

That cheap toilet paper is completely useless.

Then why do you buy it?

Because it doesn’t cost as much as the good stuff.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: Frass is the excrement of insect larvae and a great word to use after hitting your thumb with a hammer. I sold an old car. It was a dependable starter when the temperature was exactly 56 degrees. I gave the buyer the title, a written apology and all the frass that came with the car.

Mr. Fake Fix-It

I was rockin’ in the free world as I used the screwdriver blade of an ancient jackknife, bearing a faded likeness of someone who looked like Jethro Bodine on its handle, in a feeble attempt to fix a table lamp. It’s doubtful I was doing the lamp any good, but you never know. I must be mechanically inclined because I can tell when an internal combustion engine isn’t combusting.

“Are you sure you can fix this?” my wife asked.

Was I sure? Of course I wasn’t, but I couldn’t let her know. I told her that I was skillful as well as patient, insightful, creative and logical. She said I left out modest.

“Can I fix a lamp? Who was the star pupil in my shop class in school?” I asked in return.

“Jerry Morstad,” my wife answered without any pause.

“That’s true, but I was a star pupil in astronomy class.”

“Did you learn anything in industrial arts class?” It was like the Spanish Inquisition.

“Yes, I learned I’d never be as good as Jerry at fixing things. Besides, I was young and stupid in those days.”

My wife nodded before saying, “That’s true, but you’re not young anymore.”

Where else would Ding Dong be but in Bell County

There is a city in Texas named Ding Dong. It’s located in Bell County. The county was named after Governor Peter Bell and the town for businessman Zulis Bell and his nephew Bert. The Bells ran a general store and hired a painter to make a sign for that business. The sign maker illustrated the sign with two bells inscribed with the Bells’ names and “Ding Dong” printed at the bottom of each bell. The community grew and Ding Dong became its name. I could see a ding dong like me making an annual pilgrimage there. There is a city in Florida named Bell. I‘ve never been to Bell, but I imagine the city as having a sizable factory that manufactures men’s hats. They would be premier lids and very popular. They’d sell like hotcakes and move like a hat out of Bell.

Ask Al

“What’s the largest state?” The state of confusion.

“What established a rich kid when you were a child?” It was someone who lived elsewhere.

“What is your definition of a gourmet cook?” Someone who can ruin a beef commercial.

“You’ve led travel tours. Any advice for packing for a trip?” Take half the clothing you were planning on taking and twice the amount of money.

“Who owned the first hybrid car?” Fred Flintstone.

Nature notes

I watched a millipede, an arthropod, walk down the sidewalk on its 160 legs. Insects have six legs and spiders have eight legs. I see sow bugs and pill bugs in basements. They are crustaceans, related to lobsters, shrimp and crayfish. Sow bugs and pill bugs have seven pairs of legs. They are similar in appearance. Pill bugs (roly-polies) look like miniature armadillos and roll up into a ball when disturbed. If it doesn’t roll into a ball, it’s a sow bug. In Europe, they are called wood lice.

I was wearing a backpack and dragging a reluctant wheeled suitcase as I walked to the front door of a hotel where I’d be spending the night. I applied the brakes on my battered sandals. There was a large American toad just ahead of me. I like toads. Perhaps I was staying at Toad Hall. Mr. Toad of Toad Hall is one of the main characters in the novel “The Wind in the Willows” by Kenneth Grahame. The hotel’s door sensed my presence and opened. The toad hopped in. I dumped my baggage and grabbed the toad, but not without a short chase. I carried it outside and released it in a spot that seemed to be a place for better suited for a toad. Then I unfurrowed my brow and checked into the hotel.

Meeting adjourned

Be grateful for good listeners. They listen to you when they could be talking about themselves.