Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

What are you reading?

I’m taking a personality quiz. How would you answer this question?

Describe yourself in three words.

Tired.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: The day was long-winded. The wind blew steadily and it rained intermittently on a cool day. Temporary wetlands haven’t been temporary this year. Our weather isn’t always nice, but is there truly such a thing as Minnesota nice or Iowa nice? I sneezed three times at a gathering. I don’t know why I have to sneeze three times when I sneeze, but it seems to be the minimum requirement. My early warning system had worked and had notified me that sneezes were on the way. I didn’t need to do something like sneezing into my elbow as I had a handkerchief ready to go to work. That was OK as I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. Three sneezes. Each sneeze was followed by someone saying, “Bless you.”

That was nice.

People are willing to go the extra mile to say, “Bless you,” “Gesundheit,” or “Incoming.”

That is nice.

The lav report 

When I needed to go to the bathroom when I was in the second grade (I’m not sure I’d gone in the first grade as I was a late bloomer), I’d raise my hand and say, “Mrs. Demmer, may I go to the lavatory.” I’d already learned that “Can I go to the lavatory” resulted in more correction than relief. The lavatory was the restroom. Most people don’t call their home bathroom a lavatory.

When away from adults, I called it a “lavoratory,” because that’s how I thought Boris Karloff, the actor who played creepy characters in scary films, would say it. I tickled myself.

We’ve never had a grade school reunion or a riders of a certain school bus reunion. More’s the pity. Perhaps we could take an uncomfortable bus ride before asking to use the lavatory.

Math was involved 

I wandered into a casino. I’d been told the food was good and the variety outstanding. I came to eat, not to gamble. There’s too much math involved in gambling. I get enough math trying to figure out appropriate tips.

From the mailbag

Del Begalka of Mankato wrote, “In your recent column you mentioned stalactites and stalagmites. The mites go up and the tights go down. What they call a column in a cave where the two meet is a mightytite.”

Rachel Miller of Henderson sent this on the same subject: “I was always taught that stalactites hang tight to the ceiling and stalagmites use all of their might to push up from the ground!”

Ask Al

“Do you have any advice for a new bride?” It’s certainly not my field of expertise, but I’ll take a shot. If you have a complaint about your husband, share it with his mother not your mother. His will forgive him.

“Do you and your wife finish one another’s sentences?” Yes, sometimes with something the original sentence maker was planning on saying.

“What is the cause of most concussions in football?” Football.

Nature notes

I pressed a button and the garage door went up. A mouse ran into the garage. Good timing for it, bad timing for me. This forced me to run a trap line. Mice can get under the hood of a car and nothing good happens after that. A woman once told me that mice had eaten her car. I’d hoped that was a slight exaggeration. As temperatures drop and fall colors become admirable, mice search for comfortable places to spend the winter. This annual migration of mice into homes occurs in October and November. I spoke at a pest control company’s annual meeting. They advised inspecting the exterior of a house and caulking or stuffing with steel wool any holes or cracks bigger than 1/4 inch, as that’s all a mouse needs to get in. One fellow said if a #2 pencil could fit into a hole, so could a mouse. That seems unlikely, but I’ve never been an exterminator or a mouse. I read a study saying a hole 2/3 of an inch in size allows entrance to a mouse. TV’s Bob Vila said a mouse needs an opening the size of a nickel.

“A birdnote sounding here and there. A bloom, where leaves are brown and sober. Warm noons, and nights with frosty air. And loaded wagons say, October.” –Thomas Stephens Collier

Meeting adjourned

Be kind and look to your own faults before searching for them in another.