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Fate, history and life have taught us all that there are very few constants in life. That change comes in transformative ways, for both good and bad.

But fear not faithful readers. I bring you a few constants I have deduced in life and willingly share them with you to thoughtfully nod your head in agreement with.

Best laid plans

How’s the line go: “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men…” This is most assuredly true as we’ve all laid out what to do around the house on a Saturday, consisting mostly of things we couldn’t get to during the week because of work or on Sunday because of football.

The line refers to the idea that no matter how hard we try, plans can often go sideways. Distractions like that give us bumps in the road and prevent us from getting even half of our work done.

This is especially true if you have cats, not because they prevent you from doing things. They’re cats. They are not that big so just step over them, but do not make the mistake of lying down.

It’s a scientific fact that if you lay down even for a moment and a cat finds your lap, you are required to take a nap.

Best laid plans.

Mmmm, cheese

Macaroni and cheese, by any standard of faith or divinity, is by its very nature divine.

Just don’t acknowledge it

Minnesota Twins fans, I take full responsibility for the season ending as it did.

It’s a known fact that the moment you show any hope for a splendid outcome regarding any Minnesota team, you are destined to run the risk of disappointment.

I wrote that nostalgic column about attending a World Series game during the 1987 campaign, thinking we had a real chance this year, and maybe we did, but by bucking the Law of Minnesota Disappointment, I challenged the supreme law of the universe.

My heartfelt apologies go out to Royce Lewis.

That doesn’t look right

Four words you don’t ever want to say when you are done cooking a meal.

Furniture stores should be like steak restaurants

When we went to Florida in June (for the record, don’t visit Florida in June), we visited a restaurant that seemed like a dream come true. Waiters wielding meat on a stick came to our table and asked us if we wanted what was on the stick.

As a general principal, I don’t turn down meat cooked in tasty ways and so I’m highly unlikely to turn anything down, even on a stick or stake or giant metal rod. However, it did come quickly and soon I found a host of meats piled on my plate.

To stop this we were given these little medallions — red on one side, green on the other side. The green was for, “why yes sir, shave more meat off your metal wand.” The red was for, “nope, I’ll never eat again for the rest of my life. Thank you.”

This thought came to me when searching for a bed this past weekend and we had to continually tell people rushing up to help us that, no we were only looking, but thank you. Some were good, others followed us like spies in a Mission: Impossible movie.

So I thought to myself: “Self, I should bring in a medallion with the same reasoning. Red for ‘ask us once if we are okay’ and green is for ‘well let’s get this bed thing figured out champ!’”

Also, it’s handy in case they want to serve us meat.

Leaf me alone

When planning to rake leaves it’s always good to have a wide open day to enjoy the fall and the process. Unless you lay down. And have cats.