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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

I talked to that guy for 30 minutes and I still couldn’t remember his name.

Why didn’t you ask him his name?

I couldn’t do that. I know him too well.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. I had to go to the bank. My pickle jar was full of pennies. I made a stop at a friend’s apartment. He’s old enough to remember when things cost only an arm (no leg).

“Sit here, in the comfortable chair,” he said. “I’m surprised you got rid of all those pennies. I’ll bet you still have the first nickel you ever had.”

I laughed and asked him how he was doing.

“Great, but I lie a lot. I’ve spent all my life getting to this age only to discover I’m not good at being this age. It’s another year, I’m still writing checks and I plan to live forever. So far, so good.”

I told him he’d be even older if he hadn’t smoked for so many years. We talked of many things: Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—Of cabbages—and kings—And why the sea is boiling hot—And whether pigs have wings. We were happy to have another day.

As I went out the door, he said, “Keep breathing.”

That is good and happy advice. J.D. Salinger said, “I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.”

The deceased’s dog

Lowell Schwalbe died in Arizona recently. Fellow Midwesterners, have you noticed how many people we know buy the farm, get out of the canoe or kick the bucket in Arizona, Texas and Florida at this time of the year? Do you suppose it’s because they miss the wintry delights of their homeland? Maybe they crave the challenge of determining which lump of snow is their parked car after a blizzard? He directed the New Richland-Hartland Band when it marched in the Rose Parade in Pasadena, but not to Pasadena.   

He volunteered to drive football players home after practice. We needed adult supervision. I still do. I remember the afternoon he picked me up at the school along with another player and the band’s tuba player. There were no divided highways on the journey to our rural homes. We were gravel road kids, an early version of the Cabbage Patch Kids. I got into the backseat with the tuba player behind me. I sat down and slid across to make room for him. A dog halted my progress. It sat there and growled at me. I believe it was a Doberman Pinscher, but it could have been a German Shepherd. The memory fogs, but whatever it was, it wasn’t happy to see me. It chomped onto my jacket and shook its head vigorously. Mr. Schwalbe said calmly, “Slap him.”

I said, “You slap him. I don’t think he likes me.”

I arrived home unscathed after the obstinate dog’s jaw was pried away from my sleeve soaked in canine slobber.

I’ve learned

People my age are much older than I am.

The first 12 months of the year are the hardest.

Windows in houses were invented to give cats something to do.

Every year is one of those years.

Snowplow drivers have never been more efficient than this winter.

Nature notes

Callers saw a bald eagle perched on a nest in December and wondered why it was there. It had to be somewhere. It might have been checking its nesting site for maintenance issues. Eagle pairs usually begin defending their nest sites in mid-January, but examining a nest might be a pair-bonding exercise done before another pair-bonding exercise—making a trip to a home improvement store. The eagles’ treetop nest increases in size each year as the couple adds sticks and plant material, another pair-bonding activity. Eagles lay two eggs (occasionally three) in early February to early April.

I heard the song of the black-capped chickadee, a fabulous whistled, “Fee-bee,” “Love you,” “Sweet-ie” or “Spring’s here.” It was good to know that spring had arrived on a gelid winter day. I did a Christmas Bird Count after Christmas, a chance to binge-watch birds. I take great pleasure in counting chickadees, being grateful to see a single one.   

There were at least 22 of them in one feeding flock, accompanied by nuthatches and cardinals. Many of our warm-weather birds are subject to seasonal dismissals, but not chickadees. They hang with us.

Meeting adjourned

Be kind and get the jump on next Christmas by being nice and not naughty.